President Hanlon Announces Jacket Sanctuary

President Hanlon Announces Jacket Sanctuary

MCNUTT HALL—“No one deserves to be abandoned by their friends at a fraternity,” began College President Philip J. Hanlon’s speech last Thursday. “Not even a…

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Happy Valentine's Day!

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Excited about Valentine’s Day? Ready to seize the day and finally ask out that special someone? The Jack-O is here to help you out!  

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Safety hazard: The lifeguard at Beach Party is not certified

Safety hazard: The lifeguard at Beach Party is not certified

The lifeguard at the annual Alpha Chi Beach Party does not have official Red Cross certification, an investigation has revealed. Though there is a lifeguard…

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Mike Pence Knows All the Lyrics to Lady Gaga’s “Telephone”

Mike Pence Knows All the Lyrics to Lady Gaga’s “Telephone”

During Lady Gaga’s Super Bowl LI halftime show, fans in Mike Pence’s box suite noticed the Vice President singing along with the pop star for…

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Biden Refuses to Leave White House

Biden Refuses to Leave White House

WASHINGTON—“Barry, can you fuckin’ believe this guy?” began Vice President Joe Biden’s impromptu speech at yesterday’s White House End-of-Term Bash, report inside sources. “What’s he…

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Dartmouth's Most Inconvenient Library Sinkholes, Ranked

Dartmouth’s Most Inconvenient Library Sinkholes, Ranked

Sinkholes are always a pain. Luckily, most of Dartmouth’s library sinkholes are pretty easy to avoid, as long as you’re careful. There are, however, a…

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The Blight of the Zamboni Man

The Blight of the Zamboni Man

It’s hard being the Zamboni man. At first, it seems great. Feeling the chill in your bones, watching hockey games, guiding that magnificent she-beast across…

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The Dartmovth 16F

The Dartmovth 16F

Fake D 16F

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