September 2012

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The Ghost Writer

Bob sat awake, watching jagged silhouettes bounce across the window of his New England townhouse. A frigid breeze wafted from beneath his bedroom door. The night was spooky. It was creepy. It was…oh, who knew…


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Hamlet: Director’s Cut Bonus Content

The following is an excerpt from a recently discovered, alternate manuscript of William Shakespeare’s Hamlet. Act 5, Scene 2, Line 317: Queen: No, no, the drink, the drink! O my dear Hamlet! The drink, the…


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Pop Music Haikus

Made T-Swift’s career But Beyonce’s still better Bush hates black people -Kanye West I drummed so hardcore Can no longer wipe my ass Can’t make this shit up -Phil Collins Need glitter in eyes Plus…


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Free Time

I like to sell my old textbooks on Amazon.  I like to keep my prices low to entice new customers. I like to stick a post-it note on the inside cover of each book, wishing…



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Uncomfortable Crayon Colors

Gender-Ambivalent Mauve Domestic Abuse Rouge It’s-Probably-Syphilis Saffron Malignant Tumor Diagnosis Taupe Latino Immigrant Burnt Mahogany Colostomy Bag Chestnut Rejected-from-Yale Dartmouth Green Suicide Awareness Umber Bargain Bin Macaroni and Cheese Uncleared Browser History Periwinkle “You’re Actually…



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How To Ooze Sex Appeal

People often ask me, “How do you look so effortless?” To be honest, I just don’t put in the slightest bit of effort! Just let the world see the Real You! Continue reading for my…


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Things Are Going Well

Dear Mom, I am writing this so you know that I’m still alive and doing well. College is great -classes are going well, but it’s a lot of work. Don’t worry, I’m still sleeping and…


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Extree! Extree! New Issue Completed!

No One Wins In Actual Landslide! Dr. Seuss Still Dead! Kim Last Seen Jumping Train Westward With Briefcase Full Of Gold! These stories and more to come in our long-overdue issue of: The Dartmovth –…