Donald Trump rates Netflix Originals

Orange is the New Black

This show would be much better if it only had the blonde one and the one who wears glasses but still looks hot. I don’t want to to watch the “crazy eyes” one and the fat ones. Oh, and Ruby Rose can stay, too.

 

House of Cards

This is a huge show—huge! Very popular. Frank Underwood is a great man. When I’m president, I’ll make our country great again, just like Frank Underwood does. Except that I’ll do it in a Republican way. I’m also a big fan of how Frank treats the media. Journalists are incompetent scum. Hey, incompetent journalists—better stay away from the subway stop near Trump Towers!

 

Grace & Frankie

Melania saw this show, and she told me that it is about “strong female characters.” So I didn’t watch it.

 

Narcos

Narcos is definitely a Mexican word. These Mexican words are too confusing. Sad! When I build the wall, I’ll stop the Mexican words from invading our vocabulary.

Also, I call all of the gardeners at Mar-Al-Lago “narcos.” The gardeners love me.

 

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmitt

This girl went to New York City but never stayed in my hotel. Big mistake!

 

Master of None

Hey Jeb, this show is about you. Get it? Because you’re incompetent!

 

VeggieTales in the House

Wow! This is a quality show. Talking vegetables? Hilarious. Five stars. And the characters? Amazing. So complex. Bob the Tomato is an intelligent and powerful man, like me, and Laura the Carrot is very attractive, like Ivanka. Shows like “VeggieTales in the House” are what make America great. Tremendous show. Wow.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, it’s time for me to watch the next episode of “VeggieTales in the House.” In this episode, Bob the Tomato marries Laura the Carrot. Very exciting!

 

-LT ’19

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