Articles by Jacko

What the Fuck Is Jennifer Aniston?

A custom sandwich An unfamiliar word if you’ve never read a magazine or gone to a Vince Vaughn movie and/or been alive for more than a month A Greek vegetable An idea the government planted…


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God, The English Student

In the Beginning, the First Draft was a formless void of darkness and procrastination, until finally God said, “Let there be light.” And there was light. And God saw that the light was good and…


The Meal Plan Diaries

December 21st, 2012, 8:56 PM After running the analytics for the fourth time, it’s settled: I’m opting for the 10. Sure, I sacrifice several coffees per week. It’s worth it for the raw purchasing power…


Online Love

Dear Diary, Today is finally the big day. Today I meet the girl of my dreams. For six months now we’ve been talking to each other online. It seems like only yesterday that we met…




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Today's TV Lineup

  FEATURED SHOW – Exotic Dancing With the Stars: Celebrities are paired with professional strippers to see how their lives would have been had they dropped out of acting school. This week: Stephen Hawking is…


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10 Songs Glee Should Totally Cover

After months of debate and deliberation, we’re finally ready to debut our list of songs that would benefit from the trademark Glee treatment: 4 1/2 Minutes of Will.I.Am Having A Violent Fit of Tapeworm-Induced Dysentery…


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How To Win Pinterest

Within the next five years, find a man. He will be some form of Ryan Reynolds. You will woo him by leaving storybooks of your relationship, coupons for a toenail clipping, and a box of…



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Mammoths

Officer, I am innocent. The reason there are bits and pieces of human remains in my backpack and some others found in my room is very simple. It was the wooly mammoths, you see. It…


Pen Pals With Benefits

Why ruin a close friendship with sex when you can just as easily ruin a long-distance one? Follow these steps to quickly turn that pen pal into a you-know-what buddy: Get back in touch. Haven’t…