Welcome to my family’s page. Here, you’ll find my attempt to make sense of my family’s past — the warmth, love, pain and confusion that defines it.

I have become more and more aware of the selectivity of memory. This project has forced me to confront my subjectivity, and the ways in which my perception of my family’s “truth” were constructed by my emotions; they were not an absolute Truth.

Then again, there is not one story, not one Truth, that serves to define my family’s experience. My mother, my father, and my two older brothers (Nathan and Jared, 24 and 26) all have different embodied experiences, which inform their (sometimes competing) perceptions of “the way things were.”

On this website, I am using the words of my parents — Melissa and David Heinze — as a guide to talk about my family. In their interviews, they spoke about what they perceive to be our family’s Truth through the decisions they made as partners, parents, and, ultimately, divorced friends. Their words brought to light three main themes that characterized my family’s experience, all of which centered around their simultaneous adherence to and transgression of certain prevalent structures. My parents’ adherence to and departure from three structures — their own familial experiences, traditional (gendered) expectations for roles in the home, and their faiths — provides a useful analytical framework with which to view my family’s Truth.

To navigate through my website, I suggest you use this introductory piece to begin, and make your way through each theme I outline in the menu above, from left to right.  We’ll end our journey with my reflections on the present and future — divorce and the opportunities it brings.