By: Shannon Rubin

I like House Center B. I like the fluorescent lights and the comforting, expensive-Manhattan-kindergarten-style seating options. During week 8, I like being surrounded by black boards chalked in with optimistic remnants of first-week-of-term events. I like knowing that I can get Kombucha or any of the snacks I haven’t eaten since Trips at 2am on any given night.

Recently, I stumbled into House Center B (also known by the more palatable name, “The Cube”) with an assortment of student, looking to get a snack on a Monday night after Late Night had closed. The scene was grim. My friends blissfully ignored glares of students hunched over books and computers. A group staring at a number-plastered whiteboard looked tired. Someone juuled into his shirtsleeve. The only sign of life from the outside were Foco-to-go containers scattered amongst grease-stained pizza bagel trays.

I really do love the Cube, but man, is it difficult to see such a sight and not consider it to be a huge campaign flop on the part of the administration.
I am a card-carrying citizen of School House— for those unfortunate enough to frequent West, North Park, East Wheelock, or (god-forbid) South, House Center B is essentially two big rooms stacked on top of one another for students in School and Allen Houses to frequent. In practice, it serves as nothing more than a study and late-night-snack destination. That’s a bit of a departure from what one would think it is based on a cursory examination of the school’s website, where House Centers are described as “living room space” for “House members to hang out, study, meet, or to use for House gatherings.” House Center B was going to be a space for at least four different activities, three of which were not studying. House Center B was going to move Dartmouth forward. House Center B was going to provide social space for and be the heart of the happy, wholesome friendships engendered by the housing system. House Center B was going to be the beginning of the end for the Greek system! The administration made it their mission to achieve these goals by spamming all members of School House via a weekly series of emails to remind them of Wednesday tea.

The subject line passionately exclaimed “Sushi & Donuts!! School House Weekly Tea – Today – 3:00pm House Center B.” Ah, of course: The classic teatime pairing of sushi and donuts. For what it’s worth, later iterations of this subject line included references to “The Cube,” so kudos to the savvy administrator who caught on to what the kids are saying these days.

Sushi seems pretentious, and I almost feel as though that was the whole point. It, as with most aspects of the housing system, feels like an inauthentic marketing ploy to attract the world’s top high school seniors looking for the Ivy League Experience™. If the teaching, student body, academic resources, network, and advising does not do the trick, perhaps knowing that Dartmouth will feed you free sushi at weekly tea will. I checked with friends at UConn— they do not have such privileges.

The emails all went on to promise “a great chance to connect with old friends in School House or meet someone new.” In all honesty, I appreciate the College’s initiative to encourage space for socializing and friendship— Microbrew Monday in One Wheelock provides a great alternative space for meeting new people outside of the Greek system. BarHop, before it was axed, did the same. But those are relatively hands-off nighttime events with monitored drinking. A planned snack time on Wednesday afternoons is unlikely to provide an alternative means of socialization at Dartmouth. You might socialize, and you might enjoy it, but it will not keep you from going to a Greek house later that night.

Maybe the Onion gets it right. South House deserves a win.