Dear Dartmouth,
Medical doctors define death as the cessation of both breathing and blood circulation. When you die, you go still. Darwinian evolutionists have determined that animals make progress when they undergo genetic change; those that remain static in the face of ever-changing environmental conditions go extinct. Environmental researchers show us that forests need wildfires so that nutrients can be returned to the soil; without the flames, the forest suffocates, as old debris builds up until no new plants can grow. In science, change is life, and on both an individual and population level, stagnation means death.
In our own lives, it feels like constant change is necessary for survival, too. We change our diets so we can look good in frat basements, we change our majors so we can make more money when we graduate, we change our goals as soon as we finish another one so we can do more, be more. Stagnation is perceived as the enemy of progress; it is the antithesis to survival. In the rat race that is the Dartmouth undergraduate experience, we’re told that there’s no room to pause, and those that aren’t constantly adapting are left behind.
When I first came to Dartmouth, I was immediately swept up into this rat race. After just a term of constant p-sets, readings, essays, and exams, I felt like I was crumbling. I ended 19F below median in 2 classes and questioning if I was good enough to go to medical school. 20W was a little better, but I ended the term again with subpar grades. I felt awful; at a school with endless opportunities, I thought that I was squandering them all.
Then the pandemic hit.
Campus was closed for 5 weeks. Those 5 weeks quickly became 10, and eventually, administrators sent out the email letting the ‘23s know that most of us would be home for all of spring, summer, and fall. Even though I knew I’d be back in the winter, everything on campus – including labs, in-person classes, and even the gym – was restricted. I was distraught – I thought that I had lost any chance to redeem myself.
Stuck at home, and with my summer internship cancelled, I decided to take a real break from academics and work during 20X. Though I felt unproductive at first, I quickly got into the habit of writing, researching, and zooming into meetings for different on-campus clubs. By the end of the summer, I felt more at home at Dartmouth than I ever had my two terms on campus. When fall started, I found that I was busier than ever; I finally had a balance to my classes with the various extracurriculars and research projects that I had joined. I was learning how to truly enjoy my time at Dartmouth (even virtually), and it reflected in both my academic performance and side projects. I felt like I was finally finding my place.
Image courtesy of Kevin Grieve via Unsplash.
One of the central dogmas of science is the precise definition of “life.” There have been hundreds of definitions proposed – some focus on carbon polymers, some focus on bodily functions, and some focus on cell behavior. There’s no easy answer, but, as a lowly biology student, I can at least say that life isn’t a net sum of meaningless, fast-paced activities in a desperate attempt to stay ahead of the pack. If there’s anything that the last 10 months have taught me, it’s that stillness is necessary for life. It is in periods of stillness that you can discover what you love, and perhaps within these reflective periods, we will define life and survival for ourselves.
Sincerely,
Anahita Kodali
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