“It was 25 years ago when I found out that my first child couldn’t hear. With our younger son, it came as a total shock. I think I spent the whole first year crying after getting the diagnosis. Of course, I had great respect for culturally Deaf individuals and families with deaf children. But as a hearing parent who also had a degree in music, I wanted my kids to also hear and enjoy music. That was a hope I had, so the diagnosis with my second son was difficult at first. I think people assume, “Oh it’s your second kid, it’s got to be easier.” But it was proof that we really had something genetic going on. Now I look back at my side of the family and realize that there was a genetic component. But initially, it was explained away when the first son was diagnosed. So, the second son being diagnosed was an eye opener.
My sons are both very outgoing. When they were little, they were the only kids in their grades who had hearing loss. My older son found theater. That was really his passion. My younger son was involved in sports – he played golf and baseball, which gave him a built-in group of friends. I think that my sons would tell you that their school was a very nurturing and accommodating community, but I also think that it is hard when you’re the only one. We actually started a parent support group that met monthly, and the neat thing was that they provided a babysitter who led activities for the kids. It was cool because the kids could see, “Oh, you wear hearing aids too!”
My older son lost more hearing, so he qualified for a cochlear implant. It’s surgery and it’s life-affecting. It’s a big decision. He went ahead with it when he was 13, and it was amazing how much his hearing improved. When my younger son saw how well he was doing, he also wanted it. So, they had their first surgeries within six or seven months of each other. It was scary, and I remember watching my older son get wheeled down on the surgery bed and thinking, “What are we doing?”
For most folks who get cochlear implants, hearing is very different at first. My son wrote an article called, “The Sound of Chipmunks,” because everybody sounded mechanical. But as your brain learns, sounds start to normalize. Now my sons can sing, they can listen to music, and they can play instruments. It seems like they are now hearing in a typical range.
It’s not often as a parent that you have tangible proof that you did the best thing you could. Implants are not the right choice for everybody, but for our sons they were life changing. I’m very proud of both of my sons because they have faced some real adversity. I’m proud that they have now landed in good places for themselves. And I’m proud of my resilience.” – Barbara Mellert, Hanover, NH
