I Conquered, But Not Without Loss: One Man’s Odyssey to the McLaughlin Dormitory

I Conquered, But Not Without Loss: One Man’s Odyssey to the McLaughlin Dormitory

Sunlight scattered off the January snow as I watched Hanover slow into view through the Coach window. I thought to myself, O! What a pleasant…

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Jacko's 2020 Horoscopes for Dartmouth Students

Jacko’s 2020 Horoscopes for Dartmouth Students

Aries: Mars, your guiding planet, will be ascending throughout the beginning of the year. Use this time to separate your real friendships from your fake…

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Report: All Distant Acquaintances Want to Connect on LinkedIn

Report: All Distant Acquaintances Want to Connect on LinkedIn

An extensive investigation has revealed that, for some reason, over one-half of Dartmouth students have used LinkedIn to connect to everyone with whom they have…

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Heartwarming: New  Hallmark Christmas Movie Features Widowed Mother and War Criminal Finding True Love and International Amnesty

Heartwarming: New Hallmark Christmas Movie Features Widowed Mother and War Criminal Finding True Love and International Amnesty

While Hallmark has always excelled at creating world-class Christmas movies, their new film, “Missile-toe,” is their best yet. In this ninety minute made-for-television Christian rom-com,…

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Woke Dartmouth Students Vacationing in Repressive Countries Speak Up on Social Media: “Had a Blast! :P”

Woke Dartmouth Students Vacationing in Repressive Countries Speak Up on Social Media: “Had a Blast! :P”

Reports suggest that Dartmouth students with well-developed, intellectually rigorous opinions on state repression, ethnic violence, and gender-based discrimination in countries they vacation in have posted…

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Dartmouth Student Would Give Anything to be Suffering at Dartmouth Instead of Home

Dartmouth Student Would Give Anything to be Suffering at Dartmouth Instead of Home

As her high school friends return to college after Thanksgiving, Jenna Davis ’22 would “literally hitch-hike, like it’s 1976 and I’m trying to get murdered”…

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Newly Radicalized ‘23s Return Home En Masse to Wage War on Christmas

Newly Radicalized ‘23s Return Home En Masse to Wage War on Christmas

As December 25 approaches, all sides of the War on Christmas have resumed their annual hostilities, and Dartmouth College has churned out yet another batch…

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Well, Perry, I decided the construction wasn’t a big enough inconvenience so I added a break-the-pipe-that-brings-water-to-the-masses-and-also-Foco-inator!

Well, Perry, I decided the construction wasn’t a big enough inconvenience so I added a break-the-pipe-that-brings-water-to-the-masses-and-also-Foco-inator!

Oh, Perry the Platypus! Back again, I see? Well, I never saw this coming and by that I mean I totally saw this coming.  Haha!…

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