Students Of College Where Everyone Touches Each Other And Drinks From The Same Gross Cups Surprised Disease Is Spreading

Students Of College Where Everyone Touches Each Other And Drinks From The Same Gross Cups Surprised Disease Is Spreading

Recent health reports from Dartmouth college have revealed that, in a shocking turn of events, an outbreak of the coxsackie virus, colloquially known as “hand-foot-and-mouth…

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Powerful Man Did Bad Thing This Week

Powerful Man Did Bad Thing This Week

Another powerful man was caught [insert Bad Thing here] this week, and he is nothing short of flabbergasted that he has to face the consequences…

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Due to Safety Concerns From The Town of Hanover, 2018 Homecoming Bonfire Will Be Replaced With Lone Man Standing In The Middle Of The Green Yelling “Crackle Crackle, Burn”

Due to Safety Concerns From The Town of Hanover, 2018 Homecoming Bonfire Will Be Replaced With Lone Man Standing In The Middle Of The Green Yelling “Crackle Crackle, Burn”

Recent College communications have announced that, this year, there will be a series of changes made to the annual Homecoming bonfire. These alterations are meant…

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QUIZ: Camper or '20?

QUIZ: Camper or ’20?

With so many young folks milling around campus these days, you’ve probably asked yourself, “is that a camper, or a ‘20?” Take this helpful questionnaire…

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Just Read the Fucking Book, Jared: from Your Chill Professor

Just Read the Fucking Book, Jared: from Your Chill Professor

Hey, Jared! I’m so glad you took the time to come to my office hours today. I love getting to talk to students one-on-one, especially…

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Male Undergraduate Wearing Two Pink Garments in One Outfit Almost Certainly Has Enormous Penis

Male Undergraduate Wearing Two Pink Garments in One Outfit Almost Certainly Has Enormous Penis

In spite of long-standing cultural norms associating the color with femininity and womens’ fashion, Dartmouth senior James MacLaren spent the entire day Wednesday in a…

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Most Important Member of Dartmouth Community Announces It’s Hot Outside

Most Important Member of Dartmouth Community Announces It’s Hot Outside

Jim Beekman, ’20, showed up to his Astro 2 class sweating last Monday. “It’s really hot outside,” Jim informed his class as he sat down….

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I Have Discovered Thy “King Arthur Flour” and I Will Tolerate It No Longer: by King Arthur

I Have Discovered Thy “King Arthur Flour” and I Will Tolerate It No Longer: by King Arthur

Surely, thine enlightened souls of Dartmouth did not believe that the ruse could last forever, did thee? That I, King Arthur, defender of Britain and…

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