The 5 best episodes of Full House (and what they taught us)
For all of us ‘90s kids, Full House was a big part of childhood. We got to watch DJ, Stephanie, and Michelle grow up on screen and deal with the same problems we had, from making friends to dating. They got into some sticky situations, but each one ended up giving us a valuable lesson. Here, we take a look at five of the most memorable Full House episodes and how they made us better people.
1. The One about the Plates: When Stephanie and DJ complain about having to wash the dishes, Danny decides to teach them how privileged they really are. He takes them down to the homeless shelter, where they meet people less fortunate than themselves. There’s Roberta, the single mom struggling to give her children the advantages that she never had, and there’s Stinky Jeff, who is drinking some funny liquid from a paper bag and has to be restrained after he starts a fight with another guy who Stinky Jeff says is “inhabited by Beelzebub himself” and needs to be “cleansed from this earth.” Wow! Isn’t it great to meet new people?
What we learned: Don’t let Beezlebub himself inhabit you, or else Stinky Jeff will try to kick you in the face.
2: Goose on the Loose!: Who could forget all the mayhem that the Tanner family’s pet goose Frederick caused around San Francisco? Cars overturned, elementary schools burning, people being splashed with radioactive goo. It’s absolute. Fucking. Madness. But when the Tanners finally catch up to him, Frederick confesses that he’s just been sad that everyone’s been too busy preparing for Stephanie’s ballet recital that they didn’t pay any attention to him.
What we learned: We all get distracted sometimes, but it’s important to show your loved ones that you care.
3. Best Friend or Blood Party?: In one of the more controversial episodes of the series, DJ has to decide how she’s going to spend Friday night. Will she go to that cutie pie Scott’s house, where all the cool kids are hanging out and making ritual sacrifices to Baphomet, or will she hang out with Kimmy, whose parents never let her participate in pagan festivities? DJ tells Kimmy that she’s sick but sneaks off to Scott’s house. She has a great time (and Scott even kisses her on the lips!), but when she comes home, she finds out that Kimmy had stopped by with chicken soup for her sick friend, totally oblivious to the fact that DJ was currently at Scott’s, drinking a child’s blood out of a goat skull with some guys from the football team. Poor Kimmy! DJ, feeling guilty, delivers a tearful apology to her friend, and Kimmy forgives her because that’s what friends do.
What we learned: No matter how much fun you think the cool kids and their demonic goat goddess will be, you always have to stick with your day ones.
4. The Engagement: When Uncle Jesse decides to propose to Becky, he does what any gentleman would do: he visits Becky’s father to ask for his blessing. Unfortunately, it’s not that simple. According to Donaldson family tradition, any suitor must prove his devotion and strength by surviving alone in the wilderness. Mr. Donaldson blindfolds Jesse, drives him to the woods, and abandons him to the elements. The first few days are rough. Jesse, unable to find a water source, starts hallucinating so hard that he mistakes a squirrel for his father and bites its head off. But he soon starts to adapt to his surroundings, and, two weeks later, Mr. Donaldson arrives to find him clad in animal pelts and living in a robust lean-to. Success! Jesse wins Becky’s hand, but, more importantly, he’s made that forest his bitch.
What we learned: A good man does anything for the people he loves, even decapitating animals with his teeth.
5. The First Day of School: On the first day of fifth grade, DJ gets put in an accelerated learning class. She misses her friends in the regular class and has such a tough time making friends with her “egghead” classmates that she tries to leave school. But when Danny realizes what’s going on, they have a heart-to-heart and he convinces her that new friends aren’t always made on the first day. His advice helps DJ get over the first day blues, and she returns to class with confidence.
What we learned: It can be tough fitting in sometimes, but if you have an open mind and stick with it, the friendships will come.
– ZQ ’19