Drunk Girl In Frat Clearly Has No Future/Value to Society

Brianna Evans, ‘23, dancing in a campus fraternity drunk, showed herself to be an absolute embarrassment to humanity. Sources speculate that Evans had no plans for her future and no hope to be respected in any professional environment, as a leader or contributor or business person because she clearly humiliated herself by choosing to drink throughout the evening. 

Smiling and laughing in a group, she didn’t even notice her friend, Edward Cole, vomiting in a corner. (He had been provided alcohol, and thus implicitly pressured, by an upperclassman who could possibly become his job interviewer, or mentor, or boss.)

To make matters worse, Evans wore a short, tight dress and did not appear to be concerned about what other people would think of her appearance or modesty. She made no effort to watch her appearance or maintain a public sense of decency. Talking and dancing with her friends, Evans seemed to have no plans for her future as a respectable businesswoman or lawyer or executive. How would she earn respect when she conducted herself like that? She presented herself as an absolute embarrassment when she smiled at her trip leader and fraternity brother, Dan Cheng, walking downstairs in a stain-covered t-shirt. (That t-shirt was from the aforementioned trip, reminding those around him that he committed to an experience and created relationships that would last him a lifetime. A good choice by Dan.) 

Evans came back to her room around 2AM and said goodnight to her roommate, Sabrina Collins. Instead of using her valuable time to go out and make social connections, Collis had been enjoying a TV show she had been looking forward to watching for months. Alas, Collins may have lost her chance to meet future peers, employers, and mentors, and also, was boring.

 

-SL ‘22