The lifeguard at the annual Alpha Chi Beach Party does not have official Red Cross certification, an investigation has revealed. Though there is a lifeguard chair at the Winter Carnival party, it has become apparent…
During Lady Gaga’s Super Bowl LI halftime show, fans in Mike Pence’s box suite noticed the Vice President singing along with the pop star for most of the performance. In fact, it has been reported…
WASHINGTON—“Barry, can you fuckin’ believe this guy?” began Vice President Joe Biden’s impromptu speech at yesterday’s White House End-of-Term Bash, report inside sources. “What’s he think he’s doing here? He just came into my room…
Sinkholes are always a pain. Luckily, most of Dartmouth’s library sinkholes are pretty easy to avoid, as long as you’re careful. There are, however, a few sinkholes that somewhat detract from the quality of the…
It’s hard being the Zamboni man. At first, it seems great. Feeling the chill in your bones, watching hockey games, guiding that magnificent she-beast across the ice until it glistens. But when they tell you…
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Thanks to the 2016 presidential election and the changes in reproductive health policy that are likely to follow, 26-year-old Elizabeth Harvey will no longer face the daily hassle of remembering to take her birth control…
Beatrice Jankowski, a native Chicagoan 130 years of age, tells reporters that the Cubs’ World Series win just doesn’t excite her. These past couple days, Cubs fans throughout the city have been celebrating this historic…
I’ve had such a great afternoon in this corn maze. It has been exhilarating to roam through the towering cornstalks, strolling through soft soil and breathing brisk October air. But it’s beginning to get a…
After a fire in Morton Hall forced 70 students to find new housing this weekend, residents of older, less desirable dorms on campus reportedly hoped that their homes, too, would be destroyed in a terrible…
Ten Reasons Why My Big is Better than the Gleaming-Eyed Goddess Athena, Praise Her Noble Name Eight Things that Happen When Your Bestie Gets Slaughtered by the Six-Headed Monster Scylla An Open Letter to the…
The administration confirmed this week that Dartmouth’s historic Baker Tower is currently under construction to include updated copper roofing, a new digital clock system, and a powerful spell that completely hides all 23 Greek houses…