Five Things: Heat Edition
Five Things Famous Historical Figures Did to Get Out of the Heat Marry a frigid woman (Bill Clinton) Get “lost” on your way to the South Pole (Ernest Shackleton) “Live” in Nepal (Tenzing Norgay) Retire…
Articles
A Limerick or Three
1. There once was a Jacko weekly, Finished, but so very meekly, Just awful it was, Especially ’cause, They’re usually written so chicly. 2. Thinking the Rapture was coming, I started in on a-strumming My…
5 Things You Didn’t Know About the Rapture
1. The Rapture has two drinking games: (Easy version): drink every time the world ends. (Hard version): drink every time the world doesn’t end 2. How we prepared for the Rapture (didn’t make out with…
Bible Studies
by Natta Goodman In light of the recent non-apocalypse, I have turned to the bible to seek solace in a world torn apart by religion. I was surprised to learn that the book was not filled…
A Conversation Between: DDS Employees
(A long, long silence, as Angelo and Brumhilda hover over vast trays of mashed potatoes and turkey. No students are in sight, despite the fact that it is 6:30. Angelo grows anxious) Angelo: What’s goin’…
Buy Keggy Shirts!
We’ve got shirts with Keggy on them! Buy one for your friend! Buy two for your friend! Buy four for your friend! Buy five for your friend! Make your friend look like a Keggy-Angel or…
5 Things that will happen to you on Green Key Weekend
1. The phrase “Green Key” will start sounding an awful lot like “Drinking.” As in, “I LOVE GREEN KEEEEEY!” 2. You watch a ’99 alum complete a Dartmouth Decade… of the 90’s… 3. In the…
33 Things I’ve Learned at Dartmouth
1. Winning a thunderdome is always a pyrrhic victory. 2. This doesn’t mean it is not worth undertaking. 3. Develop a frivolous crush on at least one person in each of your classes. This gives…
This Week at FoCo!
Monday: in honor of Green Key Weekend, we present a retro dish our alums are sure to enjoy: leftover chicken from 1976! Topped with tons of (maybe) fresh gravy! ***Have extra DBA? Don’t worry, it’ll soon…
1953: A Fable
Grayson and Hannah approached hesitantly the newly finished entrance to the Class of 1953 Commons. It was decorated with all of their favorite foods: the walls were covered with a layer of tessellated chicken tenders,…
Sherlock Brolmes: Frat Detective, Part V
After several minutes of lost hope, I caught his scent once more: a faint, but discernible trail of footprints. I deduced that his shoes had been dampened by the recently-sprinklered grass on the Green. To…
The Life of an Artiste