In Effort To Impress Students, Professor Begins Cursing

In Effort To Impress Students, Professor Begins Cursing

Sources confirm that Biology Department professor Monica McFadden took things much too far after swearing to impress her Biology 54 students.  After dropping a casual…

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I Would Do Anything To Become A Vizier

I Would Do Anything To Become A Vizier

Picture this: you’re standing with your arms folded behind your back, slightly to the right of the most powerful guy around and, by God, you’ve…

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Thermometer on snow shows low temperatures - zero. Low temperatures in degrees Celsius and fahrenheit. Cold winter weather - zero celsius thirty two farenheit.

Report: Campus Sidewalks Slicker than Cat Shit on Linoleum Floor

Wintry conditions over the past weeks have left a layer of glare ice on many campus sidewalks, making the walkways slicker than cat shit on…

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I Swear I Am the Lone Pine Stump, Please Don't Murder Me

I Swear I Am the Lone Pine Stump, Please Don’t Murder Me

Hello onlooker passerby that are crossing through the center of the Green, it is I, the Lone Pine stump that is totally not the former…

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House community events to be planned by rich, absent fathers from the 1950s

House community events to be planned by rich, absent fathers from the 1950s

House community events will now be planned by a committee of 1950s businessmen who are attempting to buy the affection of their estranged families, the…

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UGAs Not Thrilled with Life Choices

UGAs Not Thrilled with Life Choices

A new survey of Undergraduate Advisors at Dartmouth College reveals that most are not thrilled with the life choices that led them to become UGAs….

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Thank God You Took A Picture of Baker Tower in the Snow

Thank God You Took A Picture of Baker Tower in the Snow

I genuinely would not have known that it snowed or, jeez, even realized what the library looks like, without you and your consistent documentation. We…

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I Am Sorry You are Trying to Study, But I Just Have to Relocate the Entire Hanover Inn Kitchen to the Quietest Part of the Library

I Am Sorry You are Trying to Study, But I Just Have to Relocate the Entire Hanover Inn Kitchen to the Quietest Part of the Library

Hello, student! Don’t mind me, bringing in all of my cooking equipment. I work at the Hanover Inn, but I am here now, in your…

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