Reports suggest that Dartmouth students with well-developed, intellectually rigorous opinions on state repression, ethnic violence, and gender-based discrimination in countries they vacation in have posted none of these opinions on Instagram. Suzie Heider ’22, currently…
As her high school friends return to college after Thanksgiving, Jenna Davis ’22 would “literally hitch-hike, like it’s 1976 and I’m trying to get murdered” to Hanover from her native Jacksonville, Florida. “I was excited…
As December 25 approaches, all sides of the War on Christmas have resumed their annual hostilities, and Dartmouth College has churned out yet another batch of freshly converted first-years ready to join the fray for…
Oh, Perry the Platypus! Back again, I see? Well, I never saw this coming and by that I mean I totally saw this coming. Haha! There you are. Stuck between a rock and hard place….
Recent sightings find that one ’23, Ethan Chen, was spotted working at FoCo, sacrificing all leisure activities in near-monastic pursuit of absolute efficiency. This has led the student body to the objective conclusion that Chen…
Months of research and study have culminated in the history department’s release of a 250-page report proving definitively that the prominent Roman leader Julius Caesar did not actually attend Dartmouth and in truth had…
Twas the night before GDXmas and all through the frat Not a creature was stirring, not even a gnat The white claws were put in the big fridge with care With hopes that desperate 23s…
After the club meeting ended yesterday evening, one student realized a water bottle was left behind, not knowing whose it was. “I saw it and I wondered, ‘is this ours? Or, like, was this here…
It’s one week after Halloween, and our reporters hit the campus streets to find out which costumes Dartmouth students thought were the scariest. “Emma Wu’s zombie costume sent shivers down my spine!” says Mathew Jennings…
Brianna Evans, ‘23, dancing in a campus fraternity drunk, showed herself to be an absolute embarrassment to humanity. Sources speculate that Evans had no plans for her future and no hope to be respected in…
What a pleasant surprise, Perry. And by surprise I mean… NOT A SURPRISE AT ALL! Here is my Dartmouth Strategic Master Plan to take over the tri-state area. You’ll see it on this easel-inator 3000…
Extensive investigation has confirmed that most of your friends who have been self identifying as “upper middle class, I guess,” are in fact exceptionally affluent. “I mean, my family is comfortable?” said your friend Lilian…