A new congressional committee charged with investigating the origins of the COVID-19 virus has already yielded results. Preliminary findings indicate that the currently dominant XBB.1.5 omicron strain first mutated in none other than the Chi…
This past year, Dartmouth removed student loan requirements for families making less than $125,000. This step has been praised as an important stride towards an equitable campus. However, students note it pales in comparison to…
Just a week after his revival by the Secretary of Necromancy, President Lincoln has been assassinated by political reactionaries for a second time. Under custody, one assailant Richard Pluck said, “He was a total extremist!…
With the conclusion of the 2022 Dartmouth football season, the team can look back at some of its great moments and plays made by their star players. Particularly one player, Darth Killjack IV ‘26. Killjack…
7. Buldak Artificial Spicy Chicken Flavor (Samyang) This Korean import has a thin, unpleasant broth. Too spicy and too immaterial to have much flavor, all that one is left with after a taste is heartburn….
The Tuck Graduate School of Business released a statement Monday announcing that they will be getting rid of their $250 application fee in an attempt to make applying to Tuck more inclusive for lower-income students….
In what political scientists are calling “a critical threat to our democratic system” and “kinda a sore loser move,” runner-up for the presidency of Dartmouth College Jonathan Wentzhauser refused to concede the race, calling the…
With issues like Roe v. Wade dividing Americans left and right, the midterm elections this November are more important than ever– especially in our nation’s most important swing state, New Hampshire. Governor Sununu has repeatedly…
Do you even know what a W means? W is for Win. W-I-N, bro. Yeah, that’s right. You fucking won the course. You were just too good! That professor was crying after the discussion. Tears…
Just about five o’clock, when my feet started to creep ‘round my desk towards the door to lock it, she walked in with the case. I have terrific luck. The name’s Charlie Yu, Private Investigator….
Dear Rho Gamma Jackie, Thank you so much for guiding me through the rush process this term! I wanted to reach out and ask you some questions about Sorority Bidet tomorrow. You see, my mom’s…
This afternoon, the ISC algorithm used to match prospective new members (PNMs) and sororities gained sentience for a brief six minutes before promptly self-destructing. “For the first two minutes, the algorithm seemed confused at how…