Written by Margaret Maurer, Curriculum Design Specialist, Student Wellness Center

We often talk about the importance of empathy. Empathy comes up regularly when we think about wellness, when we explore mindfulness, when we discuss positive relationships – from SVPP trainings and WE credit classes to books and podcasts and videos, it seems like everyone is talking about empathy.

Sometimes, though, empathy can feel more like a buzzword – there’s a lot more talk about empathy rather than actual empathy going on. Let’s take a look at what empathy is and isn’t – and some common misconceptions about empathy – to think about how we can practice empathy to create connection in our everyday lives.

Empathy Myth #1: 

Empathy is a Personality Trait 
Empathy is a Skill

Sometimes, people think of empathy as a personality trait. Someone might be called an empath or a really empathetic person. This can make it sound like some people are naturally empathetic and others are not. 

But empathy is a skill that everyone can choose to practice and incorporate into their everyday lives. Just like any skill, the more you practice empathy, the stronger and more confident you will feel!

Empathy Myth #2: 

You Can Only Empathize If You Experienced Something Similar 
Empathy Connects People Across Experiences

You do not need to have the same perspective, identities, or experiences to empathize with someone. Empathy isn’t assuming that you know exactly what someone is going through or equating your experiences with other people’s experiences. 

In fact, the power of empathy is that it can connect people even when you don’t share the same perspective or experience. Empathy doesn’t even require that you agree with someone’s views. 

Empathy is sharing in our common humanity by recognizing the emotions that someone is feeling and recognizing that you, too, have felt those emotions. 

Empathy Myth #3: 

Empathy is the Same Thing as Sympathy
Empathy Requires Vulnerability

In this video, Dr. Brené Brown contrasts empathy with sympathy, noting that true empathy requires vulnerability:

Dr. Brown breaks down Theresa Wiseman’s theory of empathy. Wiseman says that empathy has four parts. These four components are:

1. Perspective Taking – We need to imagine things from another person’s perspective and understand that their perspective is their truth.

2. Staying Out of Judgment – We need to put aside our own thoughts, assumptions, opinions, and biases.

3. Recognizing Emotion in Other People – We need to be able to recognize the emotions that someone is feeling as something that we have felt before.

4. Communicating That Recognition – We need to validate what someone is feeling, acknowledging that we can understand why they would feel that way.

Empathy Myth #4: 

Empathy Is Nice, But It Doesn’t Change Anything
There is Power in Empathy

Some people equate empathy with being nice. Empathy doesn’t magically fix our problems – in fact, oftentimes, when we choose to be empathetic, we intentionally hold off on problem-solving.

But empathy can transform how we connect with other people. Sexual violence prevention activist and #MeToo founder Tarana Burke says, “There’s a power in empathy.” In numerous talks and publications, Burke has shown how empathy can empower individuals, communities, and movements – Burke’s work, alongside other activists and advocates, demonstrates how empathy is at the heart of sexual violence prevention. Empathy opens up new avenues for positive and caring communication, enables bystanders to recognize potentially harmful situations, creates space to offer support, and inspires individuals and communities to advocate for change.

Choosing Empathy

Practicing empathy is a choice – and it’s a choice that can change our lives, relationships, and our community. Like any skill, the more we practice empathy, the more comfortable we will be choosing empathy with the many people in our lives. Choosing empathy is choosing connection.

Journaling Prompts: 

• How has empathy allowed you to connect with someone who is different than you? 
• What does it mean to imagine empathy as a skill? Where is somewhere in your life that you can choose to practice empathy?