Hogwarts Hillel
An Open Letter to Dumbledore and the Hogwarts Community: Dear Dumbledore, Hogwarts needs a Hillel House. A Hillel House would provide space for Jewish witches and wizards to engage with, study, and advance their relationship…
Articles
Fake Professor Wonders How Much Longer He Can Keep Up The Charade
John Réalguy, Professor of Philosophy, has been teaching at Dartmouth for over 5 years now. While addressing a class last Monday, Réalguy could be heard saying, “You all know I’m not a real professor right?…
The Six Aliens You Meet in College
The Sorority Alien This alien, normally a parasitic , Omega Centaurian shapeshifter just loves her sisterhood. She’s always either talking about the next mixer she’ll attend or which Sigma Nu’s DNA she wants to replicate….
New Art Installation So Much More Than Just A Pile of Dead Fetuses
The Hood Museum’s newest art installation, on the surface a run-of-the-mill pile of dead fetuses, has sent the art world into a frenzy surmising its full emotional and intellectual weight. Since its unveiling Tuesday, the…
What's Under My Bed
One sock. A monster!! DA…I mean…MOM!! Nope, sorry, that was a sweater. I forgot about this one, I used to wear it when it was cold on the boat. My nunchucks. How else can I…
❧ Read the New Issue
Check out our latest issue Pumpkin Face Fun Magazine * Available now on Novack newsstands * — Featuring I Can’t Believe You Ate The Whole Jar of Pickles by Drew Zwetchkenbaum Survey For My Sex Partners by…
8 Things You'd Be Surprised You Can Find In A Library
Most folks these days think they can get all they need at the touch of a button, but these eight things would convince any Google gaga there’s nothing like stepping foot inside a real brick-and-mortar…
Our Halloween Decorations Are Super Lifelike!
Mom, I can’t find our Halloween decorations. Oh, never mind, here they are. We got a lot of neat stuff down here: lights, lamps and there’s a scary skeleton. Whoa! What’s that over there? That…
This Fertilizer Is Shit
Dear FertilizeMe Lawn Care Company, When I first saw your bag of extra-strength fertilizer sitting on my local Home Depot’s shelf, I was ecstatic. I had just picked up some new equipment to start my…
I Would Totally Be Decent At Figure Skating
Dude, I would totally be like a decent figure skater. Not like a really good figure skater, but totally better than average. No, I don’t want to be a figure skater. Are you kidding dude?…
The Best Sam
While some may accept being good, he strives to be the best. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gHOOzjy_vvM
Copyright-Abiding Names For The Super Bowl
The Big Game Game Day February Football Fest The Lombardi Showdown The Amazing Concave Dish Doritos Commercial Championships 2014 Men’s Lingerie Bowl It Sure Ain’t Chess! The Fake Fight Le Petite Sport Rugby, innit? It…