Articles by Jacko

If we’re going to cut back on anything this recession, make it the “-ion” so that we’re in a “recess.” Sounds more fun, boosts productivity, fixes the economy. Everyone could use a little socialism. But don’t let…

Benjamin Franklin To declare every Wednesday “Whet Your Whistle* Wednesday” and make sure all children get equal opportunity to stick their fingers in outlets and wear lightning rods on their heads. This allows only the…

I’d like to get a full body tattoo of everything that’s behind me, cuz then I could always be invisible.

Roses are red; Violets are violet; I eat canned bread, And you stockpile it.   I bought this ad space, On your receipt— I know it’s a place Your keen eyes will fleet.   You…

This newly unearthed document suggests that American pop music of the 60s was a widespread and conscious effort to co-opt the music of the Third Reich, a theory long held by experts in Rambling Unintelligibly…

Ode to Pinkles Pony of Spring Sky-wish I may, upon thou buttocks, Pony pink with long purple locks, Standing there, image on skin, And fly away with yonder equine kin. You know no boundaries of…

A Band Pros: -Shows our reverence for the far superior The Band, who had every right to consider themselves the only musical collective. -Self-referential. I wouldn’t go so far as to say it’s totally “meta,”…

Waffle irons are the opposite of regular irons, in that they give texture to something that is flat.

I haven’t been wharfside. Nay, not since the storm. The storm done changed things, y’see. Done changed me. I want you t’listen close to my tale, boy. Because what that storm done to me was…

1) “Have you read any Marcel Proust? I’ve only read halfway through In Search of Lost Time, so I feel like that’s a really big gap in my literary knowledge—Oh you wanted to know if…