Rural Dictionary
1. Second base: composting 2. Group Jerk: dislodging a tractor from a ditch 3. Ass-fisting: disciplining a work mule 4. Double Penetration: planting two seeds in one plot 5. Blow job:…
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Residents of Triple Still Trying to Decide Which Roommate to Ostracize
As of this Monday, freshman triple residents Ali Stearns ’18, Taylor Murphy ’18, and Megan Rogers ’18 are still debating which of the three roommates should be awkwardly and conspicuously ostracized for the rest of…
In Defense of Swiper
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, You are all familiar with Swiper as the ubiquitous villain of the Dora the Explorer television series; the adorable fox from the wrong side of the barrio whom we…
What Phil Hanlon Meant to Say in the Homecoming Email
Dear Members of the Dartmouth Community, This weekend, our community will join together in the celebration of Homecoming. The Friday night bonfire marks the midpoint of a truly overwhelming week, featuring activities such as: -Drinking…
11 People That Need to Sit The Fuck Down
That asshole on the airplane yelling about the kid behind him kicking his seat. Are you kidding me? This is a toddler you’re dealing with! Take a fucking seat, douche! That annoying girl in your…
Jurassic Diet
The Jurassic Diet: Join the Movement! What’s that? Jurassic dieting is more than a diet – it’s a lifestyle. Jurassics subsist only by eating the decayed and/or petrified bodies of plesiosaurs, pliosaurs, and sauropods for…
Dad! Help Me!
Dad, I am sick of repeating myself. No, I am not a woman trapped in a man’s body. There is literally a woman trapped in my body. Thank you for being so open-minded, but gender…
Kale!
As kale soars up through the ranks of chic produce, infiltrating overpriced salad bars, the contemporary Instagram post, and self-promoting comments about just how life-changing that smoothie was, the Jack-O is here to provide helpful…
How to Avoid Catching a Cold in College: A Special Message from Dick’s House
Dear 18s, Welcome to Dartmouth! It’s the time of year again when you’ll probably notice many of your peers coming down with colds and other viruses. Please refer to the following guidelines to avoid catching…
Famous Quotes That You Didn’t Realize Were Actually About Relationships
Personal care “In this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and waxes.” – Benjamin Franklin “Choose a job you love, and you will never have to twerk a day in your…
Do Bears Know How to Use Texting
Abstract: Cellphones are perhaps one of the most emergent technologies in the recent decades. As with any high new tech, there are hurdles and nuances that must be overcome before an invention can reach the…
Riddles!
–Memo– To: All Co-Workers From: Brian Hey gang, I know it’s been a hard week, so here are some fun riddles for you! What is soft, whitish and smells kinda like chicken and mayo?…