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Online January 24, 2012

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Interview with Director of Dartmouth Dining Services Scanning Program
Trump Survives Third Assassination Attempt: The Passage of Time
Student Found Searching“Transfer to Yale” on Eduroam, Arrested By SWAT Team
“So Much More Freedom!” Says Student Living in Bear-Infested Off-Campus Housing
Mishearing the Name of Harris’s VP Pick, Trump Introduces New Running Mate: Tim DiPortation
Olympic Tennis Finals Still Postponed after Pickleball Players Refuse to Leave Court
Amazing New Innovations Revealed at Foco’s Allergen-Free Station
PGA Fraternity Confused by Masters

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