Written by Andre Betancur, Power & Equity Specialist
When I was younger, I feared problem solving and decision making. I hated being paralyzed by the stress of “doing the right thing” while also wanting to get through whatever challenge faced me as quickly as I could in order to go back to a state of contentment and certainty. Instead of seeing challenges as opportunities for growth or learning, I saw them as tests that I was destined to fail over and over again.
I’ve only recently realized that I hold the power to face challenging situations with intentionality and control. The key to doing this is by developing a deeper awareness of my needs and understanding how I will proceed with assertively, yet compassionately, protecting the space I need to pause and respond with intentionality in a given situation. Setting boundaries always seemed like something that had a singular and ultimately self-serving benefit. I realize now, however, that boundary setting can be employed as an active strategy that empowers me to handle challenging situations with greater clarity and confidence.
The ways in which setting boundaries allows us to separate ourselves from challenging situations and proceed intentionally are plentiful and include (but are not limited to):
- Preventing Over-Commitment: Knowing what you can handle and how much of it you can handle goes a long way in avoiding being overwhelmed. Limiting responsibility greatly reduces burn-out and the feeling of being stuck in challenging situations. I know this one can be hard, especially at a place like Dartmouth where the pressure to have a laundry list of achievements can feel almost mandatory, but remember that the key to success lies within knowing your limits.
- Building Emotional Distance: The thing that makes the challenges we face in life so difficult to confront sometimes are the emotions that come with them. Anger. Fear. Sadness. These are all valid and often unavoidable emotions we have to experience in life but that doesn’t mean they have to consume us. There are so many issues worth caring about, issues that people should care about, but it’s impossible for one single person to solve every problem in the world. Simply acknowledging that not every problem is yours to solve and detaching yourself from the ones that are not aligned with your immediate priorities opens up more space for the problems most pressing in your life.
- Practicing Self-Care: The concept of self-care gets touted as the magic fix to all of the stresses of life which can make the suggestion of it seem hollow. But the truth is that the prioritization of your physical and mental health has a profound impact on your ability to handle the stress that accompanies challenging situations. I think about this a lot when I reflect on my work in sexual violence prevention. I know for a fact that if I wasn’t checking in with myself regularly to ensure I’m doing okay and not on the brink of collapse, I wouldn’t be able to do my work effectively or even at all. What does self-care look like to you? Is it pausing to breathe? Or finding joy in gentle movement or a creative outlet?
While that wasn’t an exhaustive list of different ways to set boundaries and how they give you the power to handle challenging situations, it is a good place to start. Where are you already setting boundaries and how are they serving you? Where might you need to start setting them and in what manner?