Dear Dartmouth,

As the parent of a 3 year old and a 1 year old my home life is slowly being overrun by kids’ stuff. And while I miss my former clutter-free lifestyle and the ability to listen to music that is actually appealing to my adult ears, there are some bright spots in the current kid-culture scene as well.

My hot take is that Bluey, the show about a 6 year old Blue Heeler and her Australian family (including her 4 year old sister, Bingo and their parents, Chilli and Bandit) is not only the cream of the kids’ TV crop – it might be the most creative and wise show in any genre.

Clocking in at 8-9 minutes per episode, the show finds a way to pack humor, life lessons, and a whole lot of heart into bite-sized chunks that seem ideal for anyone but is especially nice for those of us who struggle to find time or sustain focus.

While I would not normally use this space to promote children’s TV, I found myself thinking about so many of the Dartmouth students I know when we watched the episode ‘Bike‘ (note: if you want to view a higher quality recording, it’s distributed through Disney in the US).

Here’s a quick rundown. Bluey is in the park with her dad, trying to learn how to ride a bicycle. Frustrated by the challenge, she vents and then watches several other kids struggling with their own activities. Bingo is too short to get a drink of water from the fountain. Muffin can’t figure out how to put on her backpack by herself. Bentley can’t reach the playground equipment.

Like most of us, Bluey wants the world to be different. She wants to be able to “do things straightaway.” Why can’t we get things right on our first attempt? Why does learning a language, or an instrument, or statistical modeling, or organic chemistry, or whatever it is for you…why does that have to feel so difficult at times? And why does this feel like such a threat to our value or our worth?

I think we forget that learning is scary. And frustrating. And probably a whole lot more emotions than I’ll bother to name here. But here’s the thing…

It’s also necessary. Learning is how you become who you will be. It’s how you gain the skills and cultivate the capacities to take your place alongside the people you look up to most. It’s how you fulfill your potential to create the life you want to live.

Learning can also be inspiring. As frustrating as it is when you struggle, when you persevere and accomplish something worth achieving, you know something new about yourself. You know yourself as resilient, as innovative, as a person of integrity who is not afraid of challenge. And finding confidence in ourselves allows us to also show up for others, and cheer them on as they find their way through their own struggles.

So while your struggles are likely not riding a bike, or drinking from a fountain, you might find some encouragement from spending a little time with Bluey this week. Think about all you’ve faced this year, and how you’ve found your way through the roadblocks and adversity you’ve encountered. As the academic year wraps up, maybe even allow yourself to pause and savor this moment and the you that you are becoming.

Along with all my colleagues in Student Affairs, I see you, in all your struggles and your triumphs, and echo the words of another favorite from children’s literature:

“You’re braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.”

Nice work, Dartmouth.

Take care and be well!
Todd

Dear Dartmouth,

Reading days are here, and finals are around the corner. As you prep for tests, complete final projects, and wrap up this term, our team at the SWC wants you to know:

You. Belong. Here.

The admissions team did NOT make a mistake when they read your application. They saw a person of immense promise and character, someone who cares and wants to make an impact with their life. You belong here.

Your job is not to fit in, or perform flawlessly, or move through each day with unlimited grace, energy, and intelligence. Whether you’re at your best, or just doing your best to get through the day…you belong here.

The gift of your imperfections is the opportunity to connect genuinely with others. We’ve all got our flaws, we all fall short of our goals sometimes, and we all need someone to be there for us. Show up for someone this week, and when you do, let it sink in: you belong here.

If you need a study break, drop by our wellness booths or check out our guided meditations – crafted to help you re-energize, re-focus, and bring forth your best.

Our whole team sends you care and love. You belong here. And you got this.

Take care and be well,
Todd

Dear Dartmouth,

We are getting deep into midterm season, so I’ll keep this post short and to the point. As the demands on your time and energy increase, we wanted to remind you that you are a human being, not a productivity machine. So the question at hand is how to extend the care you need toward yourself while still being a productive human.

Here are a few ideas that can help you do well because we know that when academics are an important part of your wellness. Each involves applying wellbeing practices to the academic areas of your life so it all comes full circle: integrate wellbeing into your studies in order to do better, and get a double boost of wellness by both doing and being well!

While you usually can’t control what homework or assessments you encounter in your classes, you CAN prioritize how you tackle those assignments and prepare for those tests. You can also maximize your productivity by cultivating the ability to focus your attention and work in concentrated doses.

One of our newest offerings at the Student Wellness Center is what my colleague Sid calls “Power Hours.” Instead of asking you to take time away from academics to come to an SWC program, we instead invite you to BRING your academics to this program. Choose what needs your attention most, and let our team guide you into a focused state where you’ll work alongside other students to get things DONE! You can be on the lookout for upcoming PowerHours by following us on Instagram or subscribing to our weekly newsletter.

Sid also worked with our team to develop guided “study break” activities that reduce test jitters and anxiety for finals last fall. We decided to make that resource permanently available based on the positive feedback we received, and you can access it here, or if you’re on our Instagram account just click on the “Study Well” highlight for a link.

Finally, one of the best things you can do for yourself when there is simply too much going on in your life is to simplify, prioritize and focus. Here’s a short LinkedIn post with some easy-to-implement practices to help you do just that.

Take care, be well, and stay warm,
Todd

Dear Dartmouth,

The temperatures plummeted earlier this week, creating that special experience where the cold has a presence of its own. You don’t just feel cold, you feel THE cold, all around you. Between that and the recent turning of the calendar, it’s safe to say that winter has finally arrived here in the Upper Valley.

Speaking of that calendar turning, it’s early January. For me this new year feels a little different than past years. I’m used to this feeling like a time for a fresh start, a new beginning characterized by hope and optimism and a focus on things to accomplish that will make my life better. And this year, well….I don’t know. With the emergence of new variants and new guidelines for public health and safety, the pandemic can sometimes feel like one big interminable blur of time.

At the SWC, we are determined to push back against that feeling, because that feeling that can become a perception, and perceptions can quickly shape reality, and I don’t know about you, but I’m not interested in a reality that isn’t abundant with hope. In fact, I HOPE you’re with me on this. And if so, or at least you’re willing to give it a shot, then we want to say that the start of a new year is still a phenomenal time for taking stock, for reviewing and revising, for committing once again to the life we say we want for ourselves. But this year, maybe we can try a different approach that’s more about the process than the outcome, about who we are rather than what we accomplish. We’re calling this “Inspiration into Intention” and here’s how my colleague, LB sketched out the vision for this wellbeing theme:

Inspiration into Intention is all about recognizing what inspires our deepest passions (academics, work, relationships, and/or pastimes), and then allowing that to be what guides our thoughts, words, and actions as we move into the New Year and beyond. For example, if you are passionate about a social justice cause, think about the ‘why’ behind that passion. Is it because you value equality, love, or peace?  If “peace” is your “why” (aka your inspiration), see how you might infuse all you do with a sense of peace and let that set a foundation for intention to grow.

The more we talked about this theme, the more we grew excited to share it, and simultaneously aware of the challenges in doing so. When writing about concepts like intention, values, inspiration, and purpose, it’s easy to slide into language that feels pretty esoteric, and our commitment is to try to communicate in a way that is straightforward and applicable. My sense is that the best path forward might be to write more personally and less conceptually. Here’s how I’ve been thinking about all of this in my own life.

When I think about my “why” or purpose(s), it has everything to do with people. I know that life is a struggle at some point for everyone, and right now it feels like more people are struggling more often in more significant ways than ever before. I’m not naïve enough to think I can change that unilaterally. But I want to consider what I CAN influence, and invite you to consider what YOU can influence, because our combined influence can make a difference in this community.

I know that the way I show up in the lives of others can either exacerbate their struggle(s) or provide some sort of support, and I don’t want to pile on to the struggles others are facing. So, my intention for this year has to do with a commitment to being someone who shows up for others in a way that promotes connection. I want to make the world feel a little less lonely for the people in my life.

If I’m honest with myself, this feels daunting. I’m introverted by nature, and I have enough demands on my time that I often long for seclusion to recharge. And the easiest way to do that is to use externals to cut myself off: focusing on work, checking stuff on my phone, or any other reasons I can come up with, all of which keep me from responding to the bids that others make for connection. It’s clear to me that there will be a balance involved between attending to my own needs for energy and my desire to be there for others.

Therefore, it’s important for me to accept, right now, that I’m not always going to get this right. I will be pulled off balance – either wearing myself thin or becoming overly reclusive at times. I can be okay with this fact. My intention is not a goal. It’s not an outcome I’m trying to achieve or accomplish. And it is certainly not about perfection. It’s about reminding myself who it is I want to be, and then considering how my thoughts, words, and actions (all things under my control) might play into how others experience me (which is definitely NOT under my control).

My mother has a small, framed cross-stitch in her house that reads “None of us can do any great things – only small things with great love.” I think that idea is at the heart of all of this for me. At the start of each day, I want to think ahead to the interactions I’ll have with others and consider what small things I might be able to offer from a place of care and love. And when we’re together in a shared moment or experience, I want to be responsive to whatever opportunities for connection and care might arise that I could not have predicted.

Today, that’s my response to this theme. It may not be the only one. We have a couple months to explore this theme, and some other things might come up. But right now, it’s the strongest signal I have to use as a starting point for exploring this theme more fully. How about you? What do you value? What are you willing to commit to? What things are under your control that might influence the many things that are beyond your control?

We invite you to join us in this exploration, and note your own responses as a way to more fully center purpose in your life and begin to live more intentionally this term and year. We’ll be sharing practices, reflections, and tips in our weekly newsletters and through our Instagram. Feel free to follow us to stay up to date with what we have going on. And if it would ever be helpful, connect with us more fully by scheduling a wellness check-in, participating in our mindfulness meditations and yoga offerings, or exploring our other virtual supports.

Stay warm, take care, and be well,
Todd

Dear Dartmouth,

As the Fall term draws to a close, the ideas of celebration or thankfulness might be readily accessible to you, or they might be the furthest things from your mind. We know that the challenges are piling up as you push through midterms and class projects, and finals are looming. All that said, we also know that each day is more than a challenge to be overcome. To reference Mary Oliver, the wild geese are heading home again and the world offers itself to your imagination. I’m not one to interpret poetry, but somehow the sense that there is an order to things can be a source of hope, and turning our attention to the good in our lives can be a source of sustenance.

So this theme is about finding things worth celebrating, and things for which you’re thankful, and training yourself to recognize these things as a way to deepen your wellbeing while bringing good things to those around you. As I always do in these introductory posts, here are LB’s words on this theme:

Celebrating thankfulness is all about generating a thankful heart as a way to help you refocus on the things that are going well, especially during times when they might otherwise slip through the cracks of your awareness. It’s about recognizing and celebrating the things, people, opportunities and even the challenges that come into our lives and shape who we are.

From now through the end of the year, we encourage you to be intentional about noticing the good things by exploring ways to practice gratitude in your life. Here are a few way to get started:

• Say “Thank You” – Gratitude creates community. Say thank you to the people who keep things clean in your living spaces, who prepare your meals or clean up after them, who make up your community, and perhaps especially those who are there for you when you need someone. You might make someone’s day, and it can lift you up as well!
• Write and share a Gratitude Letter – Telling the most important people in your life what they have meant for you can provide a powerful source of connection, and has a strong evidence base for making a measurable change in your happiness. To learn more about how and why this works, or for some tips on this practice, check the link above.
• Follow Your Gratitude – Pick one thing you’re grateful for and try to thank all the people who helped make that possible. Need an example? Check out this talk from someone who chose to thank everyone who played a role in making his morning cup of coffee possible, and ended up expressing a ‘thousand thanks!

We know the challenges are real. We want you to know the good things are as well. If you ever find it difficult to find the good, please check in with us – we would love to be there for you.

Take care and be well,
Todd

Dear Dartmouth,

LB and I had fun discussing our Sept-Oct theme, Strength in Self on an Instagram Live today. If you’re an Instagram user, feel free to check out the recording and follow our account! I bring this up because a lot of our conversation was about the value of cultivating a strengths-based perspective.

Take a moment to reflect on the way that you typically think about yourself. Are your thoughts primarily oriented toward the qualities that you and others value most, or do you tend to get more hung up on characteristics and features that you wish were somehow different?

If your honest answer is the latter, you’re not alone. It seems like most people zoom in on all the things that are not to their liking. We question how we look, our voice, our abilities, our talent, our intelligence, and our value in the lives of others. And all of these tendencies combine to create a deficit-based perspective toward ourselves.

When this becomes our primary stance toward ourselves, it can result in the formation of a belief that the things that make us who we are are somehow not enough. It can trigger shame, causing us to withdraw or hold back from relationships. It can produce feelings of depression or anxiety. And it can generate enough worry about the potential for rejection that we start to cling to it, insisting that there is value in viewing oneself through this lens.

The most common argument in defense of a deficit-based perspective is that you can’t improve yourself unless you are willing to do the hard work of focusing on the parts of yourself that are not to your satisfaction. In other words, it is viewed as a pathway for making positive changes. I want to acknowledge that we all have weaknesses, and that it can be beneficial to work on these areas. However, beating yourself up over a perceived shortcoming is rarely a useful source of motivation.

More often, it only reinforces the belief that there is something about you that is unacceptable. Any inability to accept yourself can actually be a barrier to change. By contrast, self-acceptance is often a fast track toward growth and development. When we acknowledge and accept who we are and where we’re at, it frees us up to address things about ourselves from a desire to grow. Focusing on things you want to change about your performance can be effective. Wanting to change who you are is more likely to result in getting stuck.

In contrast to all of this, a strengths-based perspective is grounded in a fundamental belief that you are enough, right now, just as you are. It can help you to be more aware of the capacities and values that you carry with you through life and serve as a springboard toward desired outcomes. One way that this works is that it offers you the ability to really SEE the strengths that are uniquely yours, and explore how these strengths play out in our life. You can then begin to apply your strengths more strategically in a way that helps you build authentic relationships, work toward goals, and produce good things for your life.

A useful tool for identifying your strengths is a free, online instrument called the VIA Survey of Character Strengths. The 24 strengths that make up this framework are considered universal, positive human capacities. In other words, they represent qualities that are valued in every culture (e.g. honesty, kindness, judgment) and exist in every person. The VIA is only designed to illustrate your strengths – NOT your weaknesses. In other words, you have all 24 strengths, so your results are more about the degree to which you connect with or value each of the strengths rather than a measure of whether you possess these strengths in the first place.

Your results are therefore presented as a subjective ranking of your strengths from 1-24 relative to your scores for each strength. In other words, your results compare your strengths with one another (i.e. within yourself), they do NOT represent an objective ranking that compares your results to others who have taken the survey. If you’d like to try the VIA, you can use this link to take you to their site, where you’ll be asked to complete a free registration that allows you to access your account at any point in time.

It can be very helpful to reflect on your results – either on your own or by talking with out with others. Typically, the strengths at the top of your list tend to be qualities that you embody or enact without even thinking about it. They frequently feel natural or effortless to engage and require little intention. By contrast, strengths that are lower on the list might feel like they take a bit more effort and willpower to enact, but they are still very much strengths that you possess. Here are a few questions that might help you make sense of your results:

• When you look at the top strengths on your list, do they represent who you are in the world?
• How do each of these strengths tend to show up in your life?
• How would you describe each of your top strengths in one sentence?

Bringing all of this back to our wellbeing theme of Strength in Self, becoming aware of these positive capacities provides you with a set of internal resources that you can use to navigate transitions and face adversity. A technique that can assist you in connecting your strengths to your situation is called a mindful pause. This is a simple practice that you can engage at any time: stop whatever you’re doing, pay attention to your breath for 10-15 seconds, bring your current situation fully to mind, and then ask yourself:

“What strength(s) do I want or need to call forth right now?”

If you’re new to strengths, you may want to try this while scanning the results of your strengths survey. Notice which strengths stand out to you (for whatever reason) and then consider how you might apply them to your situation. Perhaps they are qualities that were helpful for similar situations in your past. Or maybe this is about trying something new.

In any case, trust that every strength has the capacity to support your wellbeing by bringing good things to your life. If you’d like to talk about this further, set up a wellness check-in with a member of our team and bring your results along. We’d love to help you explore the best within you!

Most importantly, trust that you have strengths to draw upon, that you are creative, resourceful and whole, and that you are a vital part of our Dartmouth community. If you find yourself doubting any of this, please reach out for support. We’d love to be there for you, and help you find your Strength in Self.

Take care and be well,
Todd