Written by Armita Mirkarimi, ’25

“Thank you for your interest.” 

“We regret to inform you that…” 

“After careful consideration…” 

“It was a highly competitive application cycle.” 

These are the phrases I associate most with failure. The blue light from my computer shines onto my irises and my mind plays a trick on me. Instead of the “Thank you for your interest” sentence on the page, I only see the following: “Sorry, we can’t give you this job or let you into this school because there are millions of people who are so much smarter and better than you and we picked one of those people instead of you. Have a nice life.” 

My eyes swell up with tiny droplets that I try to swallow alongside a tightness in my chest. And then the doom thinking starts. I retrace my steps: Were there typos in my resume? Was my cover letter not well-written? Was I too loud during the interview? Or maybe I was too quiet? What did I do wrong? Or worse—What if other people find out I failed? 

For most of us, failure is something we like to run away from. Maybe we haven’t really experienced failure before so anything other than success feels like a colossal defeat. Or perhaps we really really wanted whatever opportunity we applied for and started imagining our lives with that job or school or person. We started thinking about how hard we would laugh and how perfect everything would be with it. And then it starts to rain and we are left with a version of life we were not expecting. 

I have long been perplexed by why failure stings so much and why we try to run away from it. For me at least, the reasons are twofold. First, I attach my self-worth to the things I do. Think about it. When people ask, “Tell me about yourself,” the answer is followed by the activities we do. Our occupations. Second, it just feels good to succeed (by our own definitions). The validation of “Congratulations!” is a dopamine rush. But failure is not something we can outrun. As much as it sucks, what if we embraced it? What if we chose to radically welcome it into our lives? Maybe, together, we can redefine failure. 

It’s not easy and it will most definitely take practice but here is my short list of redefining failure, taking everyday action, and even failing forward toward the life that we want: 

1. You’re allowed to sit in sadness. You can feel sad, angry, or frustrated when you fail. It’s a part of being human. Let yourself feel your feelings and process the rejection. Maybe that means being alone or listening to a certain kind of music. I personally love to go on a long drive by myself, cry, and blast Adele. Reflect: What’s gonna make you feel better? You know yourself better than anyone else. 

2. Remind yourself that your worth as a human does not come from the internship you got, your GPA, or the failure in question. Whether it’s saying it out loud or writing it on paper, you are valuable and deserve love because of your character, and who you are as a person. Your kindness and energy, are not the numbers on your resume. 

3. Seek out fun and joy. I know it may sound cliche but what if you picked up an activity just because it was fun? Who cares if you’re not good at it? What if you tried to intentionally pick up that hobby you know you won’t be perfect at and had fun failing at it? For me, this is skiing!  

It’s easy to write, “embrace failure” on the page but so much harder to actually put it into practice. After all, it’s not fun to feel like you’re not good enough. But maybe the point of this all is to embrace the uncomfortable. The more we put ourselves out there and fail, the more of the world we see, and the further our brains expand.

Let’s move forward together,

Armita Mirkarimi, ’25

Written by Andre Betancur, Power and Equity Specialist, Student Wellness Center

Dear Dartmouth,  

As we move into the third week of the spring semester and into the month April, we would like to remind everyone that April is Sexual Assault Action Month (SAAM). Following the theme of “Everyday Action”, we believe that each and every member of our community holds within them the potential to utilize their own personal power to positively influence the lives and behaviors of others, especially in moments where sexual violence can happen. We recognize that many students may feel a sense of powerlessness and have no idea how to even begin recognizing their own power, let alone utilizing it for good. Luckily, our Sexual Violence Prevention Project team has been working on how to teach you all to identify where you hold power and how you can use it for good.  

Here are some key tips for recognizing and utilizing power: 

Understand that power can look and feel different for all of us. You may think of power on an unfathomably large scale or only recognize power when someone with formal credentials (like our President) is using their power in ways which affect everyone. However, power also exists on an individual level and there’s a good chance you’re using your power in ways you’re not even aware of. Some examples of ways Dartmouth students use their power include: 

• Giving directions to a lost student 
• Referring friends to campus resources  
• Being a UGA and looking out for residents  

Understand that power is contextual. Our perception or reality of having power or not having power can change many different times throughout our day and is based on a variety of factors including our identities, the location we’re in, and our level of knowledge or comfort in any given situation.  

Know that you’re not alone in wanting to use your power to prevent sexual violence and change the culture at Dartmouth. Trying to tackle an issue like sexual violence is not an easy feat and certainly not something any of us can do alone. Even though so many of us are doing our part to prevent sexual violence on campus, it can still be tiring work. When we bravely choose to use our power for good, we have to remember to give ourselves the time and space to recharge and recenter ourselves. Making sure we do take that time to be kind to ourselves and engage in some self-care, we greatly reduce the chance of burnout and ensure we have the capacity to continue charging forward in our efforts to create greater culture change on campus.

We believe that each and every member of our community holds within them the potential to utilize their own personal power to positively influence the lives and behaviors of others, especially in moments where sexual violence can happen.

Now that we’ve sprung into Sexual Assault Action Month, we all have an opportunity to take the concept of “Everyday Action” and put it into practice. Begin identifying where you and others hold power, recognize how that power can be used for good, and know that those moments when you use your power for good, no matter how small, help create real palpable change on our campus. 

Written by Carmen Rodriguez, Assistant Director for Student Transitions & Persistence, Academic Skills Center

As an academic coach and course instructor for College 101 and The Mindful Academic, I often hear questions like, “Why am I struggling to motivate myself?” and “How do I stop procrastinating?” A similar pattern is then described: Little trouble finding motivation to complete familiar, comfortable tasks. Trouble motivating on bigger, less-familiar tasks. You might replace the bolded words with daunting, time-consuming, tedious, confusing, high-impact, etc. 

When we get curious about this pattern, we find that discomfort–or rather one’s undefined relationship with discomfort–can lead to a reflexive, “Let’s get out of here!” response. One minute you’re working through a difficult problem set, and the next, you’re watching YouTube, Tik Tok, taking an extended break, organizing, powering through less-important HW, or napping. You get the idea. 

But what if stepping into discomfort–once the opportunity appears–became an intentional, primary goal? In “Motivating Personal Growth by Seeking Discomfort,” researcher’s Kaitlin Wooley and Ayelet Fishbach concluded that discomfort as the primary goal, rather than learning itself, was more likely to increase task endurance and calculated risk. Both are vital when you’re trying to push your way through a tough assignment: cue essay, test prep, project, internship application, and more. But how to do that with a little more ease? Here are 3 intentional strategies to get you started:

1. Start to notice your patterns. Get curious: What assignments are you stepping away from? How often? What distracting comforts do you seek when you move away? (Social media, productive procrastination, naps, unplanned social connection–all valid pursuits in the right time and place.) Ask yourself, are these diversions in response to discomfort with the current task? 

2. Accept your discomfort. If discomfort is present, recognize and reframe it as a normal response to unfamiliar territory. (Thank you, nervous system for doing your job of trying to protect me!) And so much of learning is unfamiliar territory! You might even be playful with your discomfort. Give it a name. “Hi, Tabitha. Thanks for showing up again! You’re super dependable. Would you like tea?” In many ways, discomfort just wants permission to coexist in the room with you, like a favorite pet.

3. Practice non-judgement. Decide discomfort is neither good nor bad. However, our response to discomfort can determine whether we meet certain goals or not. For example, if you kick Tabitha out every time she shows up, and she always accompanies newer, highly difficult learning and tasks, then you’ll probably delay that type of learning and task and won’t utilize all the time you have to master that topic. This is simply cause and effect.  However, if you decide to make peace with Tabitha, then the two of you will spend tons of quality time together, (BFFs forever!) and that is very good for that essay, project, or problem set you’re trying to finish. 

4. Start slowly. Developing a more relaxed relationship with discomfort can be hard. At first, you’re very likely to feel a nervous system response–again, totally normal–but that means we have to proceed slowly to develop our tolerance. So, set a timer for 5 or 10 minutes and ease into that project. Be sure to offer yourself self-regulation tools to soothe that nervous system along the way, specifically before, during, and after each session

Finally, and above all else, invite a third party into your new relationship with discomfort: Hello, Self Compassion! We’re all a work in progress and opening ourselves up to the most human version of ourselves, one that feels a variety of emotions–pleasure, discomfort, and everything in between–is powerful work. With self-compassion, we intentionally treat ourselves with the same loving-kindness that we would extend to our friends and family. In doing so, we give ourselves permission to transform again and again and again. 

-Carmen

Written by Denva Nesbeth, Jr. ‘24

What brings me joy and fulfillment? What responsibilities do I have to fulfill? These are the two main questions that guide a lot of my decision making and how I allocate my time. With only so much time in the day, moving with intention supports me in making the most of the day and being present. 

1. Make Time for Play: My biggest creative hobby is working on music production. As fast as the term goes in 10 weeks and as busy as my schedule can be with classes and responsibilities for different organizations I’m a part of, I know that music is super important to me. Music is therapeutic and puts me in a flow state whenever I’m creating it. Thus, I intentionally make time within my schedule to work on it regardless of how busy a week may be.

2. Ride the Inspiration Wave: Opening to inspiration, wherever you find it, can lead to great things. I initially made the In The Stacks song while I was in the East Reading Room in 2022. I realized I could create music that I could imagine my peers could listen to while studying, thus inspiring me to create a full album.

3. Purposeful Decision Making: When it comes to the music I create, I’ve definitely created a lot of it with a lot of intentionality behind the purpose and sound choices. With my second album Reach Higher, in contrast to the chill atmosphere one might find on a Stacks album, most of the songs on the album are high energy that sound completely different to what I released prior. I wanted to show that I can’t be put in one specific box musically. When creating my newest album Stacks, Vol. 3, I wanted to have chill instrumentals that fit alongside the previous two Stacks albums, while also making something new and not completely duplicating what I had already released. For example, I love the song My Focus Is On 10 from Back In The Stacks, so I was intentional in not trying to have another song that sounded exactly like it on Vol. 3 and regurgitating what I did already. I was intentional in trying different sounds and genres, which produces songs like Beauty Right In Front Of Me, Give Yourself More Grace, and When You’re Going Through It (Reprise) on the album. Even down to the amount of songs on my albums. Every single album I’ve released so far only has 7 songs. That’s been an intentional choice because I want to ensure none of my albums have any filler and it’s a smooth, concise experience for the listener.

Moving with intention has supported me in giving my energy towards things that I find important and feeling fulfilled with what I’m doing. By identifying what resonates with me and orienting my decisions based on that with the time I have available, my mental health has benefited greatly by being present in the moment with full engagement.

– Denva Nesbeth, Jr. ‘24

Written by Zhuoya Zhang, M.P.H, Ph.D. candidate in Quantitative Biomedical Sciences, Dartmouth College

A lot of us have some form of New Year’s resolution. Let it be listening to hunger cues, moving our bodies in supportive ways, or becoming a better human being. What if I tell you that there is one thing that can help you accomplish all the goals mentioned before? This superpower is sleep! I know it sounds too good to be true. Research suggests that quality sleep can help us better regulate our emotions, enhance our memories and learning, and explore nourishing food choices.¹

How much sleep do we need? It can vary from person to person. According to the National Sleep Foundation, young adults like us could get as few as 7 hours or as many as 11 hours.² The wide range shows natural individual differences. Listening to our body cues may help us understand if we are getting enough sleep. Just like our body knows how much water we need and will tell us to drink more water by making us feel thirsty. If you notice cues like eyelids feeling heavy, head nodding, and falling asleep during classes and meetings while reading, you may need more sleep. So, I invite you to pay attention to these cues this week and explore if your body needs more or less sleep.

Here are some tips on getting quality sleep:

1. Decide on a consistent sleep schedule. A consistent sleep schedule can help your brain naturally feel tired at bedtime.³ What bedtime and wake-up time would best suit your schedule so you can stick to it daily? Creating a nighttime routine can help you implement the new sleep schedule. Our body needs time to wind down and get sleepy cues. Get cozy, explore deep relaxation practices, and put away the screens. If you fall asleep within minutes of your head hitting the pillow, you may be sleep-deprived and need to wind down a little earlier at night.

2. Moving our bodies. Just as our appetite may increase after exercising, you may sleep better by being active. It is fascinating that sleep and movement have this bi-directional relationship.⁴ More exercise can enhance your sleep quality (fun fact: exercise has been used as a treatment for sleep disorders like insomnia), and those with adequate sleep also tend to exercise more and have better athletic performance.^5,6

3. Limit Caffeinated Drinks. Savoring a warm cup of tea can be a great addition to your nighttime routine. Few things are as soothing as serving yourself a cup of tea, especially before bed. Herbal tea, like chamomile, lavender, and rooibos, may help you relax and unwind.

5. Get curious. How about keeping a sleep diary? I’d like to invite you to bring more curiosity next time. You could experiment on yourself by simply noticing how you feel after a good night’s sleep; do you find it easier to make healthier food choices the next day? Do you feel calmer and more at ease? Are you a kinder and friendlier person? Just explore 🙂

Whether you are an early bird or a night owl, I wish you sound sleep and sweet dreams!

– Zhuoya Zhang

Further Reading:

1. Walker, M. Why We Sleep: Unlocking the Power of Sleep and Dreams. (Scribner, 2018).
2. Hirshkowitz, M. et al. National Sleep Foundation’s updated sleep duration recommendations: final report. Sleep Health 1, 233–243 (2015).
3. Wu, J. Hello Sleep: The Science and Art of Overcoming Insomnia Without Medications. (St. Martin’s Essentials, 2023).
4. Kline, C. E. The bidirectional relationship between exercise and sleep: Implications for exercise adherence and sleep improvement. Am. J. Lifestyle Med. 8, 375–379 (2014).
5. Alnawwar, M. A. et al. The Effect of Physical Activity on Sleep Quality and Sleep Disorder: A Systematic Review. Cureus 15, e43595 (2023).
6. Watson, A. M. Sleep and Athletic Performance. Curr. Sports Med. Rep. 16, 413–418 (2017).
7. Mead, M. N. Benefits of Sunlight: A Bright Spot for Human Health. Environ. Health Perspect.116, A160–A167 (2008).

“Remind yourself that if you think you already understand how someone feels or what they are trying to say, it is a delusion. Remember a time when you were sure you were right and then discovered one little fact that changed everything. There is always more to learn.” – Douglas Stone

Hey Y’all! My name is Ellie Anders Thompson and I am the MultiFaith Advisor at The William Jewett Tucker Center at Dartmouth. At the Tucker Center we focus on helping students engage with Spiritual Wellness. My interfaith work helps students develop the skillset and the knowledge base to become interfaith leaders here on campus, but also as a professional skillset for the workforce. Spiritual Wellness is often defined as the journey to find meaning and purpose in your life. Through that journey, however, we might become exposed to beliefs different than our own. Today, we will look at how to communicate bravely with others and engage in interfaith dialogue. When you engage in interfaith dialogue you have the incredible opportunity to be in relationship with other folks on the journey with you. 

Here are the ways that Brave Communications can happen through increasing interfaith dialogue:

1. Interfaith dialogue begins by building respect for different identities. We talk about how everyone has the right to their worldview identity, to express it, and to have it accommodated. But that is just the beginning of interfaith because once we create places and spaces where respect is the norm, this is when meaningful relationships begin to be built. Relationships between people who fundamentally disagree about some things, and find other common interests or values have a rich depth. When those folks model that relationship to the communities within their tradition or worldview it creates opportunity for those groups to work together toward a common civic good. This in turn makes our society stronger.

2. Explore your spiritual identity through practice. Each one of our worldviews, by this I mean our religious, spiritual, or intentionally secular identities, are made up of different beliefs, behaviors, and communities of belonging. Developing your spiritual well-being is the discovery of the different routines you will choose to engage with on a regular basis. For example, a regular meditation or prayer practice, and the frequency of your practice. In interfaith, you see others making different choices about their habits and you can appreciate and learn from them. You can have ‘holy envy’ or a deep appreciation for an element of a practice from a worldview other than your own. Sometimes you might even choose to try out a prayer or meditation style that isn’t from your tradition to have a greater understanding of other’s experiences. Because you are learning alongside others in interfaith relationships you have interesting glimpses into the behaviors of your friends.

3. Don’t shy away from having challenging conversations about beliefs. It really is one of my favorite things in the world to hear a new perspective, something I’ve never considered, or a new reflection on something. For example, during an interfaith dinner last year, we had conversation about ‘life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness”. It came down to a conversation about the difference between joy versus happiness. All the participants in the discussion had this one way of thinking about joy, but eventually another person spoke up and shared a perspective I had never heard about their idea of happiness. It was so interesting, and I asked where their perspective came from because it was completely new to me. I was grateful they shared and gave us all a new angle to see from. It wouldn’t have happened if they hadn’t been there to share. It was an opportunity to weigh my beliefs about happiness and joy and evaluate the impact that was having on my thinking and behavior.

Applications are now open for the Interfaith Alternative Spring Break trip to Washington D.C. Students will travel to Washington D.C. to engage with individuals and organizations doing interfaith work around social issues the group has identified as shared values across their variety of worldviews. Participants will come to see themselves as interfaith leaders who will effect change for a more pluralistic society.  Exploring worldviews can be a continual journey toward your spiritual wellness. It’s made even more rich by traveling with others. We hope to see your application! 

Better Together,

Ellie

“Vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity, and change.” – Brene Brown

Welcome back to the Student Wellness Center’s Fall of Brave Connections! As we delve deeper into exploring the varied and different avenues of bravery, we are joined by Denva Nesbeth Jr. ‘24, who offers insights into how tapping into their strength of vulnerability has served as a personal source of creativity, connection, and purpose.

“I’ve been making music since summer 2017, but it was in late 2022 when I finally gained the courage and confidence to release music on all streaming platforms, and it’s been rewarding in more ways than I could have imagined. Music has been a big point of vulnerability for me because of the amount of confidence it takes to openly put your work out there. I can make an instrumental I love, and it can exist as just a file on my iPad, but once it’s out in the world, it’s not directly mine anymore. There is a level of uncertainty in how it will be received. 

Here are my suggestions for overcoming that uncertainty, connecting with your creative side, and being more authentic in your expressions:

1. Continue working on your craft because over time you get better at what you’re doing. I mainly started playing beats for my friends 2-3 years after I’d been working on music, so that time allowed me to gradually improve, find my sound, and make things that I felt comfortable sharing.

2. Know that getting feedback from loved ones will only make your creativity better. If they enjoy it, it can give you further motivation to keep going. If they give some criticism, be open to hearing it because they can provide a perspective you never considered, which can expand your capabilities. When I started playing my stuff for friends and family, they were the ones that kept telling me to put something out and not keeping songs in the vault. Those responses were definitely a big catalyst in me getting the confidence to release my music out on all platforms.

3. Remember to not overthink because art is about how it makes you feel. I knew that “In the Stacks” would be the first song I would release because as soon as I hit play, it felt great and that’s all that matters.

Whether my music relaxes someone, soothes them as they meditate, puts them in a space of flow or focus, or hypes them up, I just want to make people’s day better. That’s the purpose of my music because that’s what it does for me. It alleviates stress, puts me in a place of flow, and provides a great feeling of fulfillment.

I’m grateful for the connections I’ve made through releasing my music and how it has further deepened the friendships I already have. Being open to the music within me had the beautiful ability to create a feeling of belonging and community with others who share similar interests. From making “In The Stacks” to “Reach Higher,” which touches different genres, to my upcoming album “Back in the Stacks,” it excites me to just continue making what I enjoy and I’m grateful for any person who listens.”

Written by Denva Nesbeth Jr. ‘24