Happy Week 9! As a ‘24 seasoned Dartmouth student, I know how hard this time of term can be. Here I suggest a few quick tips (based off of my five-minute article that came out last week) for practicing Everyday Action!
In order for you to train your mind, you must make yourself more vulnerable (much like how when working out, you need to make your body uncomfortable to grow stronger), and allow others to be vulnerable too. It is important to find a community that you trust to do this important work–it could be friends, a religious group, Greek life…whatever feels right!
Journaling can be an effective way to solidify your progress, whatever that looks like for you. I find it helpful to approach journaling without judgment, and overtime you will find out what methods work best for you!
Find voices that move you, and integrate them into your life! I keep sticky notes on the walls of my room where I know I’ll look, reminding me of the values I strive to live by. You can also use apps like Headspace, which send daily reminders to be mindful.
Sometimes, you get so stuck in your own cycles of thought that you don’t even realize there is another, potentially healthier, perspective out there. The first step in discovering these cycles is being mindful (journaling and meditation are great for this) and opening up your heart to others. For example, I know many of us high-achieving students beat ourselves up over lots of stuff. Realizing that there is another way of thinking that isn’t shaming yourself for needing rest, or indulging in a dessert, or just for being who you are, is a difficult but important first step towards radical self love.
Ericka Asmus ’24
Reflection Question: What is something you are working on now that can be broken down into smaller, manageable steps?
This poem was written by the attendees of the Mindful Immersion in Nature program on May 10th, 2024. The participants, hailing from all corners of the Dartmouth community, were asked to contribute one line of poetry reflecting on their experience immersing in a wild place on Dartmouth’s campus together.
The Yellow Warbler flew into a time of cosmic insignificance Rainfall as sweet and pure as music The smell of pine needles, soil Bright green leaves so fresh and new Warmth of friends around, old and new Springtime in the mountain t’áá attsò shikéédéé: Beauty all around me all the sounds and diversity feels welcoming and calm Blossoming together, plants and people We are home, here and Now
Over this past Spring Break, I attended the event of a lifetime, a culmination of the dedication of countless people towards radical self love. It was the merging of intersecting marginalized identities to create a space for loving ourselves and each other. This event was an adaptive fashion show where I and five other women with a rare disease called Poland Syndrome were celebrated for our experiences. Poland Syndrome is a birth defect that leaves individuals with missing or underdeveloped ribs, breast tissue, pectoral muscle, and/or hands on one side of their body. The disability is physical, but due to its nature it also manifests itself in the psyche of those who have it, especially women. I can’t speak on behalf of the other women at the show, but I can tell my own story.
I was diagnosed shortly after I was born when my parents took me to the children’s hospital because I was too weak to crawl. The doctor told my parents that if I didn’t start strengthening my affected side soon, I might not be able to use it for the rest of my life. My family tells me stories from my first years where I was “catching up” with my peers: falling off the merry-go-round and hurting myself, falling on my head countless times at gymnastics practice…I was too young to remember but these events impacted me nevertheless.
Luckily, with enough hard work and support, I was able to grow up with limited physical restrictions and have actually become known for my physical strength. But as I made my way through puberty and I watched in horror as only one of my breasts grew, I realized that my disability expanded beyond the physical: the real struggle was living in a society that told me my body was wrong, immoral. While my physical and psychological pain were largely disregarded, I was told many times that my deformity should not be visible to onlookers, like I owed them the comfort of “normal” breasts.
I still remember visiting the plastic surgeon when I was eleven, the doctor marking me up, taking pictures of the bare chest I resented, and talking to my mother like I wasn’t even there. Consistently throughout my life society has told me in one way or another that I should be ashamed of my body. I can’t visit a doctor without them bringing up plastic surgery. The prosthetics I’ve been given serve no function except to give the impression that I have two breasts. I’ve gone to a physical therapist for back pain before and the first thing he did is give his opinion on whether or not I should have plastic surgery.
These are the prosthetics given to women with Poland Syndrome and breast cancer survivors. I haven’t worn mine in years.
People are often in shock and disbelief at how I’ve been treated because of my body. I remember changing in the corner in locker rooms while girls with perfectly normal breasts complain that they are too small or uneven. Being called names like “concave” and being told “It’s not that bad” by people I thought I could trust. People have weaponized my own body against me, using my sensitivity to their advantage. I soon did resent my body: I held it like a secret so close to my heart that I couldn’t talk about my birth defect to anyone without tearing up, not even my mom. I did things to my body that reflected this hatred and formed habits that took tremendous effort to unlearn.
When I had dug myself so deep in a hole, when I saw nothing but darkness, I peered up and saw a small light up above. For my college application essay, I decided to write about my experience with Poland Syndrome for the very first time. I’d never put my thoughts into words or given myself credit for all that I’d gone through. Sharing my experience filled me with more joy than I’d ever felt before. Such a huge weight had been lifted off of me, I felt like I was flying. I now had a clear path for climbing out of my pit of despair: being true to myself required an enormous amount of vulnerability, but the reward was that I would be liberated from shame.
I’ve spent my time at Dartmouth intentionally training myself to become comfortable with who I am even if I face disapproval. It started with telling my close friends, and then professors, and then the world. I’ve applied my unique experience to all sorts of classes, from Indigenous History of the Andes to Product Design to Environmental Chemistry to Black Feminist Thought. Through these courses I’ve gotten the amazing opportunity to gain insight about myself that I was lacking through direct representation. When I saw no one that looked like me in the mass media, I became that person. This journey was by no means easy: I learned some things that have brought me great pain and have set back my progress, but not hiding my body has become an absolute necessity and a reminder of my persistence and heart.
If I lacked the courage or motivation to seek out others with Poland Syndrome online, I never would have found out about the fashion show, and I definitely wouldn’t have felt confident in sharing my experience with the world. This trip was not only the first time I would meet others with Poland Syndrome in person, but it was also my first time traveling internationally, and I was doing it alone. I couldn’t have done it without the support of the Student Wellness Center where I’ve become a regular for Wellness Check-Ins when I need guidance or even just someone to listen.
Like I said earlier, I can’t speak for the experiences of my friends with Poland Syndrome, but it is safe to say that no matter who you are, it is not easy to be a woman with only one breast in a society where a woman’s value is based on her appearance. Spending time with all of these incredible women, the collective love we’ve devoted to ourselves is unimaginable.
(Left) Posing with Lilly Alfonso and (Right) showing off my strength in a dress designed specifically for my body and interests.
Besides just getting to spend time with my new friends, we also got to work with internationally recognized Malawian fashion designer Lilly Alfonso and her students. We collaborated with them to create outfits that celebrated our differences and promoted them professionally. Lilly’s work is dedicated to promoting her rich African culture and works to uplift young people in her communities with the 100 Year Plan. The students we worked with were named Wongani, Joshua, and Hope, and besides creating some incredible outfits, they approached us with an open heart and accepting ears, a godsend.
The fashion show reached beyond the individualistic notions of self love we often hear about: we used this event to unite in our experiences against the forces that make it difficult for marginalized people to exist in this world. Our identities ranged widely, but we met each other with compassion and support, a really beautiful and revolutionary thing. It is radical to promote self love when society tells you to be ashamed of your true self. I find comfort in knowing how intentional the fashion show was on an individual and organizational level.
An important tool for taking care of myself to become the best change-maker possible has been meditation, but it is not always easy. I really struggle with body scans; my relationship with my body is complicated, and attempting to appreciate my chest brings up a lot of uncomfortable emotions which bring me out of concentration. It is important to push your comfort zone, but it becomes too much and my trauma response lingers with me for the rest of the day. Besides that, I sometimes wonder how accessible certain phrases are to disabled folks. Through talking with others I’ve found that I’m not alone in my concerns, that fortunately there are body scans out there for those with trauma sensitivities and ranging abilities. One recent meditation directed me to view pain with curiosity, as a sensation. This has helped tremendously, as I’m usually experiencing back pain that can send me spiraling if I focus on it. My practice is still a work in progress, and so is my relationship with my body. Loving yourself can be really hard, and the best thing you can do is help to build a world that is safe and welcoming for all bodies.
Historically I’ve struggled to speak up about my experiences because when I have, nobody wants to listen to my frustrations; they’d rather keep it to a feel-good story about me personally overcoming adversity. In reality, my experience encompasses an existence in a body I am persistently told I should change. I recently read The Cancer Journals by Audre Lorde, which chronicles the loss of her right breast as a result of breast cancer. She provided rare and valuable perspectives, and serves as a reminder that anyone with breasts is at risk of losing them. She reminds me that “silence has never brought us anything of worth.” The romantic notion of bottling up my pain is what almost ended me. My silence would be complacency in a world that rejects bodies outside of the norm; my silence would be a loss for us all. I’m proud of myself for speaking up even when there’s an overbearing voice in my head telling me that nobody cares.
If you see a little bit of yourself in my story, even if you don’t have Poland Syndrome, I recommend a book that I’m reading called The Body is Not an Apology by Sonya Renee Taylor. If you aren’t up for a whole book, she also has a wonderful Ted Talk on the art of radical self love. If you are struggling with body image issues, I want to remind you to a) treat yourself to some rigorous self compassion, and b) understand that your struggles are a part of a system that profits off of body hatred that we should all work to dismantle. You are allowed to honor your anger and discomfort. Real self love is about feeling the good and the bad and acting with intention.
I’d also like to provide a big thanks to the Student Wellness Center and Center for Social Impact for their financial support, Lilly Alfonso and her students for being so wonderful to work with, the Birmingham Children’s hospital for hosting this event, and Sam Fillingham, the CEO of the UK Poland Syndrome Charity for supporting us all along the way. I’d also like to thank my friends and professors who have been so supportive and reminded me that my voice matters.
These are the phrases I associate most with failure. The blue light from my computer shines onto my irises and my mind plays a trick on me. Instead of the “Thank you for your interest” sentence on the page, I only see the following: “Sorry, we can’t give you this job or let you into this school because there are millions of people who are so much smarter and better than you and we picked one of those people instead of you. Have a nice life.”
My eyes swell up with tiny droplets that I try to swallow alongside a tightness in my chest. And then the doom thinking starts. I retrace my steps: Were there typos in my resume? Was my cover letter not well-written? Was I too loud during the interview? Or maybe I was too quiet? What did I do wrong? Or worse—What if other people find out I failed?
For most of us, failure is something we like to run away from. Maybe we haven’t really experienced failure before so anything other than success feels like a colossal defeat. Or perhaps we really really wanted whatever opportunity we applied for and started imagining our lives with that job or school or person. We started thinking about how hard we would laugh and how perfect everything would be with it. And then it starts to rain and we are left with a version of life we were not expecting.
I have long been perplexed by why failure stings so much and why we try to run away from it. For me at least, the reasons are twofold. First, I attach my self-worth to the things I do. Think about it. When people ask, “Tell me about yourself,” the answer is followed by the activities we do. Our occupations. Second, it just feels good to succeed (by our own definitions). The validation of “Congratulations!” is a dopamine rush. But failure is not something we can outrun. As much as it sucks, what if we embraced it? What if we chose to radically welcome it into our lives? Maybe, together, we can redefine failure.
It’s not easy and it will most definitely take practice but here is my short list of redefining failure, taking everyday action, and even failing forward toward the life that we want:
You’re allowed to sit in sadness. You can feel sad, angry, or frustrated when you fail. It’s a part of being human. Let yourself feel your feelings and process the rejection. Maybe that means being alone or listening to a certain kind of music. I personally love to go on a long drive by myself, cry, and blast Adele. Reflect: What’s gonna make you feel better? You know yourself better than anyone else.
Remind yourselfthat your worth as a human does not come from the internship you got, your GPA, or the failure in question. Whether it’s saying it out loud or writing it on paper, you are valuable and deserve love because of your character, and who you are as a person. Your kindness and energy, are not the numbers on your resume.
Seek out fun and joy. I know it may sound cliche but what if you picked up an activity just because it was fun? Who cares if you’re not good at it? What if you tried to intentionally pick up that hobby you know you won’t be perfect at and had fun failing at it? For me, this is skiing!
It’s easy to write, “embrace failure” on the page but so much harder to actually put it into practice. After all, it’s not fun to feel like you’re not good enough. But maybe the point of this all is to embrace the uncomfortable. The more we put ourselves out there and fail, the more of the world we see, and the further our brains expand.
Written by Andre Betancur, Power and Equity Specialist, Student Wellness Center
Dear Dartmouth,
Congratulations on making it halfway through the spring term! Continuing with our theme of “Everyday Action” and the idea of power, we want to remind you all that you have the ability to use your personal power to ensure that you’re taking care of yourselves. When we use our power to center our own sense of wellbeing, we gain a greater ability to help our friends and peers center their own wellbeing too. Making sure our wellbeing is tended to and highlighted is especially important as you all begin your midterms.
As the spring season makes itself known with April showers and cloudy days, let’s go through ways we can use our power to make sure we’re still giving ourselves the sunlight we need to continue blooming:
Begin connecting power and location. It’s important to understand that our power is often tied to the physical spaces we’re in. When we’re in spaces where we have more power, we often feel much more comfortable and relaxed within those spaces. Places you may feel you have more power and feel comfortable include your dorm, your favorite cafe, and the Student Wellness Center just to name a few. When possible, make sure you’re entering and inhabiting these spaces you feel comfortable in. It seems simple, but actively choosing to enter spaces where we feel powerful and comfortable is an action we can take to benefit our wellbeing.
Action takers and mold-breakers require rest too. We know that many of you are very active in a variety of ways including in academics, activism, and skill building. It can be fulfilling and satisfying to constantly achieve our goals and climb up the ladder of personal success, including in ways that others have never done before. However, if we’re constantly climbing without taking breaks, eventually we’ll fall. Use the power you have to remind yourself to take breaks, unwind, and catch your breath. Self-care breaks look different for all of us, engage in the activities, or lack thereof, that allow you to decompress and regain the strength to continue climbing your own personal ladder.
After we self-care, let’s encourage some group-care. After we’ve engaged in some personal self-care and feel recharged, we’re more equipped and have the capacity to encourage our friends and peers to engage in self-care too. Being an action taker and mold-breaker when it comes to promoting self-care is crucial in supporting the health and wellbeing of our community. Be a leader and role model when it comes to self-care, lend a helping hand to your friends and offer them a break from climbing up their ladder. Invite them to join you in self-care activities like going on walks, listening to music, and attending fun on-campus events.
We hope you all take advantage of your power to initiate some rest and relaxation for yourselves and your peers for the rest of the term. As another reminder, it is still Sexual Assault Action Month (SAAM), and it’s especially important for those of us taking the steps to end sexual violence on campus to step back and engage in self-care.
Written by Andre Betancur, Power and Equity Specialist, Student Wellness Center
Dear Dartmouth,
As we move into the third week of the spring semester and into the month April, we would like to remind everyone that April is Sexual Assault Action Month (SAAM). Following the theme of “Everyday Action”, we believe that each and every member of our community holds within them the potential to utilize their own personal power to positively influence the lives and behaviors of others, especially in moments where sexual violence can happen. We recognize that many students may feel a sense of powerlessness and have no idea how to even begin recognizing their own power, let alone utilizing it for good. Luckily, our Sexual Violence Prevention Project team has been working on how to teach you all to identify where you hold power and how you can use it for good.
Here are some key tips for recognizing and utilizing power:
Understand that power can look and feel different for all of us. You may think of power on an unfathomably large scale or only recognize power when someone with formal credentials (like our President) is using their power in ways which affect everyone. However, power also exists on an individual level and there’s a good chance you’re using your power in ways you’re not even aware of. Some examples of ways Dartmouth students use their power include:
Giving directions to a lost student
Referring friends to campus resources
Being a UGA and looking out for residents
Understand that power is contextual. Our perception or reality of having power or not having power can change many different times throughout our day and is based on a variety of factors including our identities, the location we’re in, and our level of knowledge or comfort in any given situation.
Know that you’re not alone in wanting to use your power to prevent sexual violence and change the culture at Dartmouth. Trying to tackle an issue like sexual violence is not an easy feat and certainly not something any of us can do alone. Even though so many of us are doing our part to prevent sexual violence on campus, it can still be tiring work. When we bravely choose to use our power for good, we have to remember to give ourselves the time and space to recharge and recenter ourselves. Making sure we do take that time to be kind to ourselves and engage in some self-care, we greatly reduce the chance of burnout and ensure we have the capacity to continue charging forward in our efforts to create greater culture change on campus.
We believe that each and every member of our community holds within them the potential to utilize their own personal power to positively influence the lives and behaviors of others, especially in moments where sexual violence can happen.
Now that we’ve sprung into Sexual Assault Action Month, we all have an opportunity to take the concept of “Everyday Action” and put it into practice. Begin identifying where you and others hold power, recognize how that power can be used for good, and know that those moments when you use your power for good, no matter how small, help create real palpable change on our campus.
Welcome back from a much-deserved break! We hope the receding snow and greening landscape fills you with encouraging energy as we enter the warmer months.
This spring term, we invite our community to explore how we can continue to grow, make a substantial difference, and even change our own culture by recognizing that the small and seemingly unremarkable actions we take matter. ‘Everyday Action’ encourages steady growth and celebrates the tiny steps that lead to forward momentum. Through practice, patience, and persistence, we can look back on our greatest achievements not as a single triumph but as the culmination of everyday actions.
Actions to try and consider as we embody what it means to take ‘Everyday Action’ this spring:
Find inspiration in the changing seasons. Our formerly frozen world is stirring and transforming into bright colors, aromas, and sounds around us. Consider that, like the seasons changing, a transition from barren snowscape to bustling, bursting spring does not happen overnight. Instead, what we notice when strolling across campus are snapshots of the small transformations taking place around us each day—pokes of green grass, buds on branches, tiny ‘cheeps’ from baby birds. These everyday changes eventually usher in a full-blown summer. Try a walk or hike through Pine Park to be inspired by nature’s “everyday action.”
Check in with your roots of wellbeing at the start of this term. Use this helpful guide to get an idea of your base wellness coming into Spring Term.
Reflect: Which areas of your wellness are you feeling nourished in? Which areas of your wellness might be depleted? What are small consistent actions that contribute to your wellbeing?
Get in touch with vulnerability. It may feel physically and emotionally unpleasant to open ourselves to the possibilities of discomfort, uncertainty, and failure (trying something outside our comfort zones should be attempted when it is safe for us to do so). But accepting discomfort as a possible outcome of our efforts is one way we develop our ability to bounce back and endure. Noticing when we are judging ourselves, and releasing that judgment, helps us to silence our inner critics and kickstart the empowering process of loving ourselves unconditionally.
Practice self-compassion. Deepening our understanding, patience, and kindness for ourselves through this process helps us accept that “missteps” don’t define our self-worth. Try this 6-minute mindful self-compassion break to practice the three elements of self-compassion: mindfulness, common humanity, and gestures of kindness.
Recognize the beauty in imperfection. Applying the Japanese philosophy of “Wabi-Sabi” can help us interpret moments of change and transience in our own lives as beautiful. Seeing the beauty in what might be imperfect or incomplete gives us permission to understand that we all, always exist in states of change.
‘Everyday Action’ reminds us that small actions, taken consistently, can lead to powerful and sustainable change. As we kick off a new term, challenge yourself to see the inevitable failures, imperfections, slipups, and slow growth as progress along your unique path. When we frame growth in this manner, we are empowered to recognize that our smallest actions add up and matter. Consequently, each step we take has the potential to make a substantial difference in our own lives and in our community and culture.
The end of term can feel like we are juggling so many things: grinding to meet deadlines, catching up on notes and assignments, maintaining the time and energy to study for exams, and finding moments for ourselves to reenergize too. While it might not seem it, this can also be an important time to reconnect to our intentions for ourselves. In the midst of busyness, we may wonder if we are staying true to our guiding principles. As we proceed along the lines of Inspiring Intention this winter term, let’s explore some of the ways we can remain focused on our intentions during busy times and even inspire others to do the same.
Try these ideas to remain focused on your intentions during Finals:
Pause and empower. How can you feel as though you are in an organized and prepared position going into finals week? You might reflect on ways to ground yourself, which can even be as simple as taking three gentle breaths. Or perhaps checking in with each of your Roots of Wellness. Another intentional approach can be to apply specific labels to our feelings and address those feelings strategically. Maybe you are experiencing a sense of loss of control and consider prioritizing your most critical tasks to help you regain focus again. Set healthy boundaries for yourself like sticking to a reasonable sleep schedule. Ask yourself: what do I need in this moment?
Acknowledging overwhelm (and asking for help). Consider connecting to campus resources when you need, including wellness check ins (one-on-one sessions with trained listeners) when you feel talking to someone could be a helpful place to begin. The Academic Skills Center offers finals programming to help you keep on track with your studying and assignments. Finally, the Counseling Center can support with crisis counseling and additional mental health resources. Be real with yourself about how you are feeling and consider opening up to friends and family. Help is here, you need only ask.
Try an accountability buddy. Pair up with a friend or classmate to serve as an accountability partner or partners. Check in regularly with them to discuss progress, offer support and feedback, and encourage each other with affirmations. This can be a powerful way to inspire intention amongst friends and peers too.
Celebrate the small victories. Take a moment to appreciate how far you have made it in the term already. Acknowledge not only your efforts to maintain your intentions into the finals week, but recognize your friends’ and classmates’ efforts too. Creating a positive and focused atmosphere can be beneficial to all in our immediate circles and beyond.
Living an intentional life means, to the best of our ability, inching closer with purpose each day towards our long-term vision. In moments when we feel direction paralysis (or lost or distracted from our intended destination altogether) we recognize that this is normal and temporary. By pausing to connect with our immediate needs, asking for help, encouraging others to do the same, and celebrating the little achievements, we can be well on our way again. Best of luck during finals, Dartmouth!
Proceeding with intentionality this winter term, we are doing the inner work of finding space to connect with our core values and identifying intentions for where and how we want to grow. We may have even inspired intentionality in others through this pursuit. But like on any journey, there will be times when we are faced with challenges too. We might follow our path and take a wrong turn. Or lose sight of the trail or of our goal all together. Or be overwhelmed by a series of decisions. It’s important in these moments to not panic, and instead, rely on the simple wisdom of tree hugging to help get us back on track.
Who remembers being told as a child: “if you find yourself lost in a forest, hug a tree”? No worries if you haven’t heard this one before. The basic gist is that advising a small child to stay put when they are lost on a hike (and to take comfort in the company an old tree) helps the chances of them being reunited with loved ones. Importantly, this safety tip helps keep the child in one place, offers the child a reliable, soothing landmark to wait with, and makes it easier for the search party to retrace their steps back to the last known location. The same advice can be applied to moments when we feel lost on our inner journeys.
Hug A Tree to Reunite with Your Intentions:
Don’t panic. Staying calm in a moment of difficulty can mark the difference between reacting impulsively or responding with clarity. Hug a metaphorical tree by trying a quick STOP practice, which helps create breathing room between you and a challenging moment. Try getting outside to clear your mind (and perhaps hugging a literal tree). Or reconnecting with an activity you have an uncomplicated relationship with (ie. playing music, hanging out with friends, dancing, yoga, etc.). The goal is to help settle the nervous system. As the great meditation teacher Thich Nhat Hanh wrote: “Breath is the bridge which connects life to consciousness, which unites your body to your thoughts.”
Observe your surroundings. Settling your mind and allowing it to observe a grounded sense of reality for a few moments can help us connect to a range of complicated thoughts and emotions we may be feeling. Perhaps you notice the direction you are heading in is causing you to feel confused or misaligned. Or to feel anxious or fatigued. Label the thoughts and emotions that are arising in you. Try this RAIN meditation to strengthen your self-awareness.
Check in with your heart’s compass. Once we have created some breathing room for ourselves and identified the emotions underlying our disorientation, proceeding with clarity and intentionality can be more attainable. This allows us the time and space to connect back to our deeper purpose. Establish a journaling practice to root yourself again in your highest aspirations. Perhaps you realize you are taking a burdensome class that doesn’t support your long-term vision. Or perhaps you notice that you are veering away from a lifestyle more aligned with who you want to be. These observations can be powerful signposts that let us know that we are heading the wrong direction. Allow your intentions to show you the way back to your path.
To live with intentionality and purpose is an inherently profound and trailblazing act. Therefore, it is only normal that we will question our path and direction at times. By creating a moment for pause to connect more accurately with how we are feeling and staying true to our heart’s compass, we can be reunited again with the values that inform our long-term vision.
Written by Carmen Rodriguez, Assistant Director for Student Transitions & Persistence, Academic Skills Center
As an academic coach and course instructor for College 101 and The Mindful Academic, I often hear questions like, “Why am I struggling to motivate myself?” and “How do I stop procrastinating?” A similar pattern is then described: Little trouble finding motivation to complete familiar, comfortable tasks. Trouble motivating on bigger, less-familiar tasks. You might replace the bolded words with daunting, time-consuming, tedious, confusing, high-impact, etc.
When we get curious about this pattern, we find that discomfort–or rather one’s undefined relationship with discomfort–can lead to a reflexive, “Let’s get out of here!” response. One minute you’re working through a difficult problem set, and the next, you’re watching YouTube, Tik Tok, taking an extended break, organizing, powering through less-important HW, or napping. You get the idea.
But what if stepping into discomfort–once the opportunity appears–became an intentional, primary goal? In “Motivating Personal Growth by Seeking Discomfort,” researcher’s Kaitlin Wooley and Ayelet Fishbach concluded that discomfort as the primary goal, rather than learning itself, was more likely to increase task endurance and calculated risk. Both are vital when you’re trying to push your way through a tough assignment: cue essay, test prep, project, internship application, and more. But how to do that with a little more ease? Here are 3 intentional strategies to get you started:
Start to notice your patterns.Get curious: What assignments are you stepping away from? How often? What distracting comforts do you seek when you move away? (Social media, productive procrastination, naps, unplanned social connection–all valid pursuits in the right time and place.) Ask yourself, are these diversions in response to discomfort with the current task?
Accept your discomfort. If discomfort is present, recognize and reframe it as a normal response to unfamiliar territory. (Thank you, nervous system for doing your job of trying to protect me!) And so much of learning is unfamiliar territory! You might even be playful with your discomfort. Give it a name. “Hi, Tabitha. Thanks for showing up again! You’re super dependable. Would you like tea?” In many ways, discomfort just wants permission to coexist in the room with you, like a favorite pet.
Practice non-judgement. Decide discomfort is neither good nor bad. However, our response to discomfort can determine whether we meet certain goals or not. For example, if you kick Tabitha out every time she shows up, and she always accompanies newer, highly difficult learning and tasks, then you’ll probably delay that type of learning and task and won’t utilize all the time you have to master that topic. This is simply cause and effect. However, if you decide to make peace with Tabitha, then the two of you will spend tons of quality time together, (BFFs forever!) and that is very good for that essay, project, or problem set you’re trying to finish.
Start slowly. Developing a more relaxed relationship with discomfort can be hard. At first, you’re very likely to feel a nervous system response–again, totally normal–but that means we have to proceed slowly to develop our tolerance. So, set a timer for 5 or 10 minutes and ease into that project. Be sure to offer yourself self-regulation tools to soothe that nervous system along the way, specifically before, during, and after each session
Finally, and above all else, invite a third party into your new relationship with discomfort: Hello, Self Compassion! We’re all a work in progress and opening ourselves up to the most human version of ourselves, one that feels a variety of emotions–pleasure, discomfort, and everything in between–is powerful work. With self-compassion, we intentionally treat ourselves with the same loving-kindness that we would extend to our friends and family. In doing so, we give ourselves permission to transform again and again and again.
