‘Tis the week to celebrate RELATIONSHIPS (for folks that recognize Valentine’s Day at least)! Predictably perhaps, we will continue on that theme, but in the context of the college thriving aspect of “Social Connections”.  “Social Connection” means that you are in healthy, equitable relationships – on and/or off campus. You have friends (pets and family count!) that listen to you and you feel a sense of community.  

So whether or not you cringe at the thought of Valentine’s Day or you love it, the below will outline ways to help you foster healthy and sustainable relationships of all kinds.  After all, according to this Greater Good article that summarizes what the world’s longest happiness study reveals about finding fulfillment, 

“It turns out the key to a long, healthy life isn’t necessarily obvious…it’s not career achievement, or exercise, or a healthy diet” Instead, “one thing continuously demonstrates its broad and enduring importance: Good relationships.”

This is both daunting and empowering to discover. Mostly because having strong social connections are one of the greatest predictors of mental and physical wellbeing, but it’s also an area you generally just can’t make happen out of pure will.  It takes two-to-tango so to speak, and people can only control what they bring to the relationship.  But there is good news!  The latest research on human connections points to specific things each of us can do to make – and keep – friends. 

1. Show and Tell – we all want to feel appreciated, cared for, and valued in relationships.  Taking the time to let your friends know what they mean to you can go a long way.  
   
   Try This! Make a plan to tell a friend what makes you happy to have them in your life.  Show your support to another by being genuinely excited when something really good happens to them.  Put down your phone and give your full attention to another – the act of deeply listening is slim these days.  

2. Be Generous  – Turn your awesome attributes into generous gifts to others.  
   
   Try This! Take some time and notice what qualities you bring to your friendships that are special. Maybe you listen well or have a knack to make others laugh or you are a wonderful empathizer. Perhaps you are skilled at time management, creating a budget, or making amazing playlists.   Make a point to share these strengths with friends – particularly when they may need it most.

3. Be real – although being vulnerable about our struggles, accomplishments, and fears can be scary, it can be a positive way to build trust and a sense of closeness with another. 
   
   Try this!  You might try letting a friend in on when you’re struggling with something like a decision or when you are feeling overwhelmed.  Or share something positive – like when you are going to get to see your dog finally or celebrating a win.

4. Open to conflicts – as much as we want relationships to be drama-free, sometimes sparks fly, even in the healthiest of relationships.
   
   Try this! Instead of shying away from times of conflict, lean in for greater understanding (as long as the conflict isn’t abusive in any way).  Support yourself in the process of managing the difficult emotions that may arise during these times with one of our RAIN or compassion meditations – designed as a tool to help you manage strong feelings. 

It takes about 200 hours of investment in the space of a few months to move a stranger into being a good friend. It does not happen overnight, so bringing grace in for yourself, and others, can be helpful  in maintaining a positive perspective around friendships. 

May you all feel a sense of true belonging – from the inside and outside. 

Cheers to you and yours!

LB

Winter CAAARRRnival is coming (Feb 9-12) and is one way to embrace these long, cold days while celebrating the beauty of the winter season in the Upper Valley. Although this yearly festival is fun and exciting for many, the thought of celebrating anything winter-related might be quite off-putting for some.   If you tend to fall in the latter category, or just feel like you have had enough of winter, read on for strategies to warm up the rest of your season: 

Winter Got You Down?

Feeling sluggish? Irritable?  Moody? If you answered “yes”, you’re not alone!  The lack of sunlight can disrupt our daily body rhythms and make us feel those “winter blues”.   

Try These 4 Ways to Put Some SPRING in Your Step!

1. Soak up the SUN – Bundle up, and aim to spend at least 20 minutes outside every day.  Natural sunlight helps regulate your sleep cycles and also elevates your “feel good hormones” leaving you feeling more rested & in a better mood! Start your journey with this 6-minute walking meditation for those times you are making your way across campus and looking to get a little mindfulness in your day.
   
   Just too cold to get outside? Sit by a sunlamp for 15 minutes instead!  Stop by the    Student Wellness Center or the Undergraduate Dean’s Office to use one there or rent one from the Baker Library Circulation desk or the Counseling Center. 

2. Move It – As little as 10-minutes of exercise can help improve your mood & reduce feelings of anxiety. Try climbing the steps at Baker Library during a study break, do jumping jacks before your shower, take a brisk lunchtime walk (and soak that sun up while you are at it), or download an SWC evening yoga flow. 

3. Make Time to Chill (with others)– Whether it’s in person, or over video chat, connecting with friends & family is crucial for staving off the winter woes, not to mention boosting your immune system!  If you are feeling isolated or disconnected from the world, making space for a Just Like Me practice can help remind you that you are not alone. 

4. Eat for Energy – Take a 3-minute Mindful Check In to help you be more present before you nourish your body & mind with whole grains, fruits, & veggies at most meals. Swap that soda for water or herbal teas & limit your alcohol consumption.  

*It’s important not to confuse the winter blues with Seasonal Affective Disorder(SAD).  SAD symptoms are similar to “winter blues”, but are felt more intensely and will begin to interfere with your life. (Symptoms include tiredness, sadness, cravings for carbohydrates, decreased focus & concentration, lack of interest in usual activities.)

For support, you can schedule an appointment at The Counseling Center at http://www.dartmouth.edu/~chd/  or call 603-646-9442.

Here’s to a cozy and connected week,
LB

Photo Credits: Verywell / Josh Seong

Not too long ago I was privileged to meet with a Dartmouth student who truly seemed to be flourishing.  Despite having a full schedule of classes, friends, and participating in clubs, she never seemed to be at the point of overwhelm.  I asked her how she was doing it all, and she said that she just was very clear on her priorities.  Number one was her wellbeing,  number 2 was family and friends, and number 3 was academics.  Don’t get me wrong, academics and grades are very important to this person, but without the foundation of her wellbeing and social network, everything else suffered so it made complete sense to have them be ranked first in her mind.  It appears that when she was able to recognize and care for her own needs, she was much more able to focus and be engaged with her classes and what she was learning.   And that goes hand-in-hand with the aspects, “engaged learning” being one of them, that have been found to be linked with thriving at college.   

Being an “Engaged Learner” means that  you are meaningfully processing what happens in class, are energized by what you are learning, and that you continue reflecting on and integrating what you are learning outside of the classroom. To give this aspect of thriving at college a boost, try out the following tips to help you bring more intention in and out of the classroom: 

1. “Brain dump” – You might try to freely write anything that is lingering in your mind and heart before heading to class or starting a project or assignment.  When you do this, write with abandonment!  Let go of perfect prose and correct spelling/punctuation and remind yourself that this writing will not be graded and is just for you. You might find that it frees up quite a bit of mental space and energy so you can focus more. 
   

2. Unplug + Recharge – If you find yourself mindlessly going to your phone, getting lost on Netflix/in a video game, or daydreaming, when you really want to be focused in class or on an assignment, you might try:
   1. Turning off devices you don’t need 
   2. Setting specific times for work and specific times for breaks (and giving yourself permission to actually take a break!)
   3. Getting enough rest* to help support concentration! (It really works.) 
      
      *Can’t seem to find more time to sleep?  Check out our in person Guided Relaxations on Wednesdays at 4:30 PM or our recorded Yoga Nidra for a sleep-like guided meditation that will leave you feeling rejuvenated and ready to go. 
      

3.  Take notes – and not just of what you are learning! Note, without judgment, when you are lost in thoughts or worries*.  Try to let the thoughts go, and then intentionally and kindly refocus on the lecture or project you need to be present for.  You might have to do this over and over again.  But remember – each time you do this, you are strengthening your mindfulness muscle and in time you might notice longer spans of focused awareness. 
   
   *The mere act of noticing when we are lost in thoughts is easier said than done.  We can spiral down a rabbit hole of “stinkin thinkin” before we even know it!  To counter this, regularly practice our 6-minute Mental Noting practice and gain more agency of where you place your mind. 
   
   
4. Staying Connected – Asking for help is hard.  But sometimes extra support is just what we need to stay engaged.  Connect with your professor during office hours, join a study group, reach out to the Academic Skills Center for learning support, or schedule a wellness check-in to explore alternative ways to feel more engaged.
   
   

Here is to a more focused you!
LB

The limited periods of light and cold temperatures of a New England winter can be rough for many folks. Whether we are new to the region or have grown up in frigid temperatures, navigating seasonal transitions can be a challenge for us all.  However, thriving through a dark, cold winter is possible! Tending to, and even perhaps growing and diversifying, your garden of friends can be one way to bring some coziness, diverse companionship and camaraderie this winter term and beyond.

3 Tips to Growing a Winter Garden of Friendship

1. Stay Open Minded
2. Discover a Mentor/Guide
3. Choose your Own College Adventure

Strategy #1 Stay Open Minded

Attend an event you never thought you would! For me this meant attending a student panel discussion on the experiences of Student Veterans at Dartmouth. I walked in unsure of whether I should be there, and I walked out with knowledge and insight I do not believe I would have had otherwise. In these 45 minutes, the way I once saw things, were forever changed (in a positive and compassionate way).

Tips:

1. Show up to a cultural event to support a friend or because you think it sounds interesting. Check out the Hop events calendar for fun options!
   

2. Practice Beginners Mind – experience everything and everyone as though it’s for the first time – even if it’s something or someone you are super familiar with.
   
3. See what your residence hall/House Community is up to (those newsletters are chalk full of opportunities!). Introduce yourselves to new folks and get to know them better.
   

Strategy #2 Find a Mentor/Guide

Did you know having a mentor/guide is directly related to student success and wellbeing? Studies have shown that students who have even one faculty/staff member that they connect with over the course of their academic careers are more likely to feel a sense of belonging and security while at college. And like most relationships, these too take work.

Tips:

1. Narrow down and acknowledge what is meaningful to you. Do you value creativity, social justice causes, your mental health or maybe it’s growing into a professional in a certain career?
   
   
2. Identify someone at Dartmouth – faculty or staff – that may be able to connect with you on it and/or someone you look up to and have deep respect for.
   

3. Send them an email telling them a bit about who you are, why you’re emailing them, and why you’d like to meet. Ask if they want to go for a walk and talk, meet for coffee, or take advantage of Dartmouth’s Take a Faculty Member to Breakfast or Lunch program. It could be the start of more on-going discussions and opportunities for connection.
   

Strategy #3 – Choose your own College Adventure

It is helpful to ask yourself what you want your college experience to look like, and what success at Dartmouth might look like for you. It is important to remember that everyone’s journey and goals are different, and that there is no one size fits all in college or in life. As we explore and create our adventure, we may just find some new companions along the way!

Tips:  

1. When trying to figure out what success at college looks like for you, it may be helpful to consider the different aspects of college life: academic, personal, social, religious/spiritual and what they mean to you.
   
   
2. Come up with a SMART (Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, Timebound) goal you can create for each of these aspects that would allow you to feel like you have experienced college in the way that matters most to you, and with the folks that you feel most connected with.
   
   
3. Remember: you are growing at college, and so these SMART goals can change with you, just as relationships can shift and transform as well. Don’t be disappointed if you may not achieve all your SMART goals – that could be a cue that it’s time for a review and adjustment. It’s all part of the self-learning process! 
   

We hope these tips have been helpful to you. And if you’re ever unsure of where to start or how to start, come chat with folks at the Student Wellness Center. Schedule a Wellness Check In or come visit us at our new space in Berry library. Afterall, wellness isn’t something that just happens, it requires effort, and sometimes, help from others. And that’s why we’re here – so you don’t have to navigate Dartmouth alone.

Sincerely,
Mishka Murad, PhD
Power and Equity Specialist | Sexual Violence Prevention Program
Pronouns: she, her, hers

MLK Jr and A Meditation Master – A Lesson in Diverse Citizenship

As we continue exploring our theme of Intentionally Thriving, we would be amiss if we didn’t spend some time on relationships –  as they often are the bedrock of how we experience our lives. 

Instead of focusing on the benefits of positive social relationships (friends, partners, family) we’re instead going to hone in on the value and importance of having a diverse and deep range of folks that you not only connect with, but whose welfare you deeply care about as well.  

In other words, the wellbeing and thriving factor of Diverse Citizenship. 

Diverse Citizenship is the desire to make a difference in the community around you, as well as have openness to differences in others.  And this is one of the key factors associated with thriving that we can bring change and intention to –  if we want to. 

What better way to illustrate this than Martin Luther King Jr himself and his relationship with meditation teacher and master, Thich Nhat Hanh.  Although short in nature, the unlikely bond between these two leaders – one a Vietnamese monk, the other an African-American minister and activist, was built on the shared vision of peace for all, acceptance and openness of one another, and belief that change could be made – but only as a community.   

Thich Naht Hanh described one meeting with MLK JR as:

“We were able to continue our discussion on peace, freedom, and community… And we agreed that without a community, we cannot go very far. Without a happy, harmonious community, we will not be able to realize our dream.”

It is with these words that we hope to continue the work and vision of these two exemplary, peaceful humans through our own intentional actions.  And by doing so, see how greater Diverse Citizenship can help cultivate a sense of thriving for all. 

And here’s how to start today!

1. Truly value differences in others – bring a sense of genuine curiosity and openness when it comes to meeting new people – particularly those whom you may write off at first or that you deem different than you.  See what you can learn and be surprised (perhaps even inspired) by.  And be sure to regularly check in with any biases that may get in your way.
   
   
2. Connect and relate to others from diverse backgrounds – go out of your way to create experiences with folks from a variety of backgrounds.  Sit with different people at lunch or meet someone new for dinner.  Attend an event that you might not typically go to.  The key is to shake up your routine and expose yourself to a wide range of people, classes, events, and learning that can broaden your perspective of the world.
   
   
3. Believe you can make a contribution in the world, and go do it  – we often think that any action that we do individually won’t make a real difference in a big way.  But if we all contribute in the small ways that we can each day – be it through random acts of kindness, recycling, or standing up to injustice – with time and communal effort, change can and will happen – and we might even be surprised at the impact that individual actions can provide to folks. 

If two people, from two different countries, speaking two different languages, fighting for peace in two separate wars, can come together and learn and be inspired by one another, we too, can make the decision everyday to reach out to others who we view as different, to be open and curious, and see where you might be able to make a difference – and do it together. 

Deep gratitude and respect for Martin Luther King Jr and Thich Nhat Hanh for showing us the way. 

Sending strength, 

LB

Dear Dartmouth, 

Happy New Year and welcome to winter term!  We hope that you were able to find some rest and respite over the past few weeks of winterim. 

As we enter into a season that is often associated with a sense of dormancy, darker days, and cold temps it can be quite normal for some folks to experience trepidation about the coming term.  How will I get by with less sunlight?  What will it be like to trudge to class with all that snow?  Will I be able to stay engaged when my energy slumps?  

Others of us may be super psyched about all the opportunities a New England winter offers.  All that beautiful, glistening snow! Skiing! Ice Skating! Sledding!  Cocoa! 

Wherever you are on the winter-opinion spectrum, what we all hold in common is the real potential and capacity to flourish and thrive even in the throes of uncertainty and challenge. By taking time to bring intention and action to the factors associated with thriving at college, we not only support our academic success, we can also experience a deep sense of belonging, connection, and mental wellbeing. 

“How” you might ask?  Welp, what is inspiring and encouraging to realize is that the areas that are connected to thriving college students –  (1) engaged learning, (2) academic deter-mination, (3) positive perspective, (4) diverse citizenship, and (5) social connectedness – are all factors that represent an “…element of academic, intrapersonal, or interpersonal thriving that has been empirically demonstrated to be amenable to change within students, rather than a fixed personality trait over which we have little control.”

In other words –  research has shown that you have the power to actually create and strengthen these qualities in your life.  They are changeable and not some out-of-reach, unrealistic thing we can never acquire!  But that change doesn’t just happen.  To see these elements come more alive in your life, it requires self-awareness, motivation, belief, and most of all – deep intention.  

That’s why all term, we’ll pay special attention in creating specific intentions around the aforementioned factors in order to build the foundation needed for the concept of thriving and flourishing to be felt more fully and authentically in each of our lives. 

And there’s no better time to start this process than NOW!  Before setting intentions, it can be really helpful to notice where you already are on the “thriving spectrum”.  So to begin: 

• Notice how each of the following have recently been showing up in your life:
  
  
  • Engaged Learning – you are meaningfully processing what happens in class, energized by what you are learning, and continuing to think about it outside of class.
    
  • Academic Determination – you have academic goals you are working towards and are able to wisely invest effort, time, and learning in the direction of those goals.
    
  • Positive Perspective – you remain realistically optimistic and view setbacks and challenges as areas to learn and grow.  You notice the positive in yourself, others, and the environment.
    
  • Social Connection – you are in healthy relationships, on or off campus.
    
  • Diverse Citizenship– you desire to make a difference in the community around you, as well as have openness to differences in others.
    
    
• Now, without any judgment, observe what factors you already feel quite strong and steady in, and which ones could use a bit of a boost. 
  
  
• From there, choose just one to focus on, and ask yourself “How do I want to see this come more alive in my life”? 
  
  
• See what comes up for you. And when a shape of an idea appears, consider what steps, even the smallest ones, that you can start taking that will lead you in the direction of those qualities you seek to have more of in your life.
  
  – that’s the very beginning of bringing intention and eventual change into your life.  Well done!
  

Stay tuned all winter term as we continue to explore this even more! 

As we approach the end of Fall term, a question a colleague asked has continued to ring in my ear. The question was posed during a phenomenal campus talk by Dr. Mays Imad, renowned neuroscientist who studies the impact of stress, self-awareness, and advocacy on learning. Dr. Imad’s research affirmed so much of what we hope to see at Dartmouth to promote wellbeing: the creation of an environment in which all members feel safe, have meaningful connections with one another, and have agency and support.

“What if every day was a day of caring?” my colleague posed as we reflected on Dartmouth’s Day of Caring in which community members were encouraged to “do what feels right for you on this day.” 

The question hung in the air amidst snaps and head nods.  

What would it look like if we  approached every day as a “Day of Caring?” What would it feel like? What decisions would we make? How would we spend our time? How would we treat ourselves and others? What would be the collective potential benefits?

I decided to challenge myself to this task, today, on this rainy day. And I’m learning that a small change in mentality can impact little decisions that can make a big difference.

I still needed to work, show up to meetings, tend to my family, and do all my other daily tasks. But instead of shoving a snack in my face as I raced from one thing to the next, during the one minute it took to peel my hard-boiled egg, I listened to the rain, felt the shell, and noticed my thoughts. Time slowed down and I felt cared for.

I managed to prioritize going to the gym for a bit instead of logging onto my email early.  I took two minutes to think about how I wanted to spend my time this weekend, and reached out to a friend to make plans rather than waiting until the last stressful minute to text them.

Based on my “n” of one, I encourage you to try the experiment too!  How can you make micro-differences today to make it a “day of caring” for yourself?

Maybe it’s taking a 5-minute mindful moment (Embrace, Let Go, Focus).

Maybe it’s taking time to move your body (Day of Caring Yoga Sequence).

Maybe it’s noticing the things you appreciate about life (Gratitude Journal)

Maybe it’s calling a loved one; stepping outside; studying differently; eating differently; doing something creative; just taking a moment to pause; changing your pace; taking a breath; being early; being late; wearing fun socks. Whatever it is…try it out!

If all of us at Dartmouth make these small decisions to care for ourselves and each other, every day, oh what a place we could be!

-Caitlin Barthelmes, SWC Director

Dear Dartmouth,

I’ve spent years honing my skills at being self-aware and trying to live life as my authentic self.  But here I was, yet again, trying to be someone I wasn’t and feeling completely disconnected from who I am (and want to be), and therefore disconnected from others as well.  I lost sight of myself, while my negative self-talk solidified my mis-perceived belief that “I am not enough.”  

When life gets busy and presents new challenges that are beyond our comfort zone, it is normal to stumble and trip until we find our footing.  But for many of us, we often don’t give ourselves permission to make mistakes – to be human.  We continually push on while not allowing for a moment to pause, step back, and assess what exactly is going on.  The power of this pause is the chance to connect more deeply with ourselves and ultimately better recognize and understand our thoughts, feelings, and actions.  And maybe, we just may come to understand that we are enough – even when things might not be perfect.

When we can give ourselves permission to pause, and be in that pause, we have just created the space to consider whether a pivot; a change of course of action, would be helpful, wise, and maybe even a more compassionate direction to go.

A simple podcast episode provided the pause that allowed me to take a step back and reconnect with the reality of my life (and who I want to be). I was listening to a 10% Happier episode aptly titled “How to Stop Living an Artificial Life” while walking through the woods with my dog, Bodhi.  The guest was speaking about how nature can be a powerful source to help us disconnect from all the external influences we feel in life so that we can connect more deeply to ourselves.  And here I was, out in nature with earbuds in.  The irony was not lost on me – I immediately laughed out loud, removed my earbuds, and just let myself be absorbed in the canopy of red, green, orange, and yellow leaves above and around me.  

That moment provided space for me to have a few distraction-free minutes to reflect on things in my life in an objective way and begin to see that I could let go of the notion that I had to have all the answers right now.  Instead I started to accept that I could, in fact, be a human being doing the best that I could with what I had.  I started to see that the best way for me to move forward was to be more of my authentic self, own where I had some growing to do, and step compassionately forward.

So, I invite you to connect more deeply with yourself now. To pause and to consider where you are with your fall term by reflecting on the following: 

1.     Am I being the person I want to be?

2.     Am I moving through this term in the way that feels best for me?

3.     Am I connecting with others in an authentic way?

Observe what comes up for you. Kindly notice areas you feel good about and areas you could  grow.  See how you can make a first step toward sustaining, or growing into, who you want to be. 

Reconnecting with our deepest selves can be a lot like going on a hike for the first time. It can take some time to find our footing.  At first, we might stumble and trip over knotty roots, unexpected rocks, and maybe even our own feet, but with acceptance, seeing, and patience we begin to find our steadiness, strength, and resilience.

May we all be human beings – imperfect together.

LB