- You buy stock in the Housing Market
- …from a homeless man
- …who will only accept his own semen as payment
- You shoplift
- …a book
- …from Good Will
- …that book is a copy of Hustler
- …that copy of Hustler is the little-known “Doodles of Goats Fucking Done By A Blind Man” issue
- You tripped the light fantastic
- …meaning you did acid
- …and watched an episode of Pokemon
- …and cut off your own leg with a laser beam
- …then ate it
- You cry yourself to sleep
- …after watching an episode of Kyle XY
- …and realizing it isn’t about a hermaphrodite
- You fall asleep on an airplane
- …-pilot’s lap
- …after taking off
- …your pants
- You use a dirty needle
- …to play a vintage copy of Exile on Main Street
- …then you shoot up a billion pounds of heroin
- You decide to go see Madea’s Big Happy Family
- …this is the worst decision.
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