5 Things You Didn’t Know About the Rapture

1. The Rapture has two drinking games: (Easy version): drink every time the world ends. (Hard version): drink every time the world doesn’t end

2. How we prepared for the Rapture (didn’t make out with a goat)

3. What we’ve done now that the Rapture didn’t happen (made out with a goat)

4. What would have been sweet about the rapture: The sun is darkened, the moon is turned to blood, and the antichrist slaughters Christians. Basically, you finally get a chance to see what it’s like to live inside every metal band’s album cover ever.

5. What stopped the rapture: Green Key convinced God it wasn’t worth the effort