The Shmob that Swallowed Ty

There once was a shmob who hung out with Ty
I don’t know why they hung out with Ty
Perhaps they’ll die.

There once was a shmob who hung out with Kate
Kate was going to a pong date at Zete
But she joined the shmob to hit on Ty
I don’t know why she’d hit on Ty
Maybe she’ll die.

There once was a shmob who hung out with Stew
Stew was on Crew and wanted to go to Psi U
But he was a tripee with Kate
Who was still hitting on Ty
I have no idea why she was hitting on Ty
Maybe they’ll all die.

There once was a shmob who hung out with Lin Bao
Lin Bao was somehow on her way to Phi Tau
But she had a crush on Ty ever since Senior High
So she and Kate hit on Ty
Things are looking really good for Ty
Maybe he’ll die.

There once was a shmob who hung out with Garrett
Garrett was eating a carrot and stumbling over to Heorot
But he was roommates with Ty
And totally wanted to have a bromance with the guy
So he stayed to hit on Ty
Seriously, what the fuck is with this Ty kid?!

There once was a shmob who hung out with Jean
Jean was just walking across the green
And just when the shmob decided to go for a stroll
The Lady Who Swallowed a Fly came in and ate them whole!
And then she walked to ’53 Commons across the street
To see if she could really have all that she cared to eat
And with the new meal plan, she’ll probably die.

Moral of the story #1: Don’t form shmobs, or you might get eaten whole.

Moral of the story #2: If you do form a shmob, be sure to hang out with people with names like Henry or Jessica that don’t rhyme with anything, in case anyone tries to write a stupid poem about you.