Neverheards

Things that you will NEVER hear around campus!
by Matt Garczynski ’14

’13 Psi U: “Fuck the gender binary, bro!”

Philosophy Professor: “I encourage you all to pursue the exact career I have.”

’14 Girl: “You’re a nice guy, but…you’d be even better up in THIS (double karate chops crotch).”

’15 in Gov. Class: “I’m just going to ask a completely bullshit and illogical question regarding your last point in a poor attempt at stimulating something that resembles scholarly debate just so that you’ll give me a better participation grade than the rest of these assholes.”
Professor: “What a valid point! For that you get an A+ and my daughter’s flesh for the ravishing. I am truly glad to have you as a student, you brown-nosing bastard.”

Jim Kim: “I’m really just in this for the students.”
David Newlove: “Me too.”

Occupy Protestor: “I’m not just in this for the face time.”
Jim Kim: “Me neither.”

’14 Jew: “The Christmas tree is extra welcoming this year.”

Christmas Tree: “Holy shit, I can talk!”