Notes on Peeves of Aerial Traversal

by Nathanael “Nathaniel” Friday ’15

1. The panic TSA instills in an otherwise tranquil line of people, and the mounting horror at their dull apathy when, despite their violations, you realize you accidentally got onto the plane with a contraband item. Such as my pocketknife.

2. You know you are a captive consumer base once within security, as do the retailers, leading to burgers the price of a small Pacific island. Do not even inquire into purchasing a ‘snack pack’ once on board. Aggressive bargaining discouraged.

3. The single lavatory continuously and obstinately inhabited by what seems to be a line of fellow travelers with no working toilets (or fiber) at home. Meanwhile, the luxurious first class facilities remain tantalizingly empty. But they barricade themselves in when they see you approaching. Do the armed 99% unnerve them?.

4. The loudly squalling child kicking the seat behind you. The foreign couple talking unintelligibly (about you) in the other two seats in your row. Their linguistically dexterous and vociferous offspring on your neighboring side. People these days. So alarmed at the sight of edged, tempered steel.

5. The collection of people who appear to have regressed in their scale of social knowledge since grade school, as evidenced by their failure wait their turn to exit the plane. My blade will teach them manners…