The Meal Plan Diaries

December 21^st, 2012, 8:56 PM

After running the analytics for the fourth time, it’s settled: I’m opting for the 10. Sure, I sacrifice several coffees per week. It’s worth it for the raw purchasing power of Hop dinner specials.

December 22^st, 2012, 2:12 AM

Woke up in cold sweats. I FORGOT TO FACTOR IN LATE NIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!

December 22^nd, 2012, 9:22 AM

Up for 6 straight hours rerunning the data. Too many Jalepeño popper purchases that come in just under a meal swipe. Looking like the 5.

December 26^th, 2012, 4:20 AM

Haven’t slept for days. The DDS final selection date is tomorrow. Here’s hoping everything runs smoothly.

December 26^th, 2012, 7:00 AM

THE WEBSITE IS DOWN. I REPEAT THE WEBSITE IS DOWN

December 26^th, 2012, 7:02 AM

WHOOPS WRONG URL

January 7^th, 2012, 11:58 PM

First day on the 5 went OK. Stressful. Do I really need $800 DBA? Will write later.

January 8^th, 2013, 10:22 AM

Then was checking out cute girl ahead of me in Collis line. Overheard her say she is on the 14. DOES SHE NOT REALIZE THAT THE 14 OFFERS 6 FEWER MEAL SWIPES PER WEEK WITH ONLY A $50 DOLLAR INCREASE IN DBA?

January 14^th, 2013, 2:01 AM

Up late again. Maybe I should be on the 14? We could bond over it.

January 15^th, 2013, 1:20 AM

Today’s lesson: never compromise meal plan ethics for a woman. Tried to buy cute girl lunch since she probably can’t feed herself on that shit stain of a meal plan. She’s vegan. Wasted a meal swipe.

January 23^rd, 2013, 5:25 PM

Now that I am done trifling with women, I can focus on the big issues, such as block choice 90 which offers 10 fewer swipes per term than the 10. DOES EVERYONE ELSE NOT REALIZE THAT ONE MUST EAT DURING FINALS WEEK? Liquidity is NOT worth 10 extra swipes, LOL.

January 24^th, 2013, 4:21 AM

or is it?

January 25^th, 2013, 3:14 PM

Apparently data collection for meal swipes is classified as “stalking.”

January 26^st, 2013, 5:20 PM

Apparently inspecting the food in your dorm (to determine if its relative quality is worth a swipe) without paying for it beforehand is classified as “stealing.”

February 1^st, 2013, 2:15 PM

Living a nightmare. Forgot to record meal data the whole week. Will never know if I made the strategic choice.

February 2^nd, 2013, 2:15 PM

Haven’t slept in 24 hours. Desperately attempting to reconstruct my past week’s food selection for data collection purposes. Haven’t eaten since The Slipup. No longer trust myself to record data.

February 3^rd, 2013, 6:17 PM

Slept 18 straight hours. Meal rotation ruined. Wasted 3 swipes last week. Keep pinching myself. Not dreaming. No trust in old truths anymore. Must reevaluate everything. Except the 14.

February 23^rd, 2013, 8:20

Saw same cute girl again from beginning of term ahead of me in Collis line. Now at -$219 DBA. BET YOU WISH YOU ACCEPTED THE FREE LUNCH NOW!!!!!!!!

February 24^th, 2013, 10:20 PM

Saw her again. No sign of remorse. This time she PRAISED the 14 loudly to her friend despite a very clear -$232 DBA balance. Clear sign of mental instability.

February 25^th, 2013, 3:26 AM

I must save her.

Februrary 25^th, 2013, 3:58 PM

As I write from my jail cell, a bit of good news: I will be bailed out, and—thank god!—I am therefore not at risk for losing a week’s worth of swipes.

I will only impart a few lines of advice:

1)    Do not hack into a girl’s banner student account and forcibly change her meal plan to save her from herself.

2)    Especially do not lock her in a room and watch your 20 page slide show admonishing her for her decision.

3)    Not even if she is cute.