Abstract: 

Cellphones are perhaps one of the most emergent technologies in the recent decades.  As with any high new tech, there are hurdles and nuances that must be overcome before an invention can reach the main stream. Humans have widely agreed that cell phones are, “pretty straightforward”, and “easy. to use”. But the question remains, Do bears know how to use texting? The purpose of this paper is to look into and in-depth whether the facts of this and other question(s) are answerable. Our theory is that, yes.

 

Introduction:

There are bears and there are cell phones, yes? So from here, we can wonder, “what if the bears used the phones for texting?”.  Simple enough. But then, “Do bears know how to use texting?” Is this learned? Is this innate? And if bears do learn how to text, who teaches them? And why? Most importantly: Why would they text eachother when they can simply talk in Bear? Is this personal? This is the focus of our central study, as aforementioned earlier.

                                                            “Mother, will I get to use texting? Find out soon”!!

Background information:

Bears are fierce and also

woodland creatures of many of our national woodlands.  Sometimes, deciduous, sometimes otherwise, but not necessarily %100.  There is more than one bear, so then we can logically assume that bears must somehow find a way to communicate if they wish to survive the years.

Cell phones are like old telephones, but: 1) you don’t need any plug strings. 2) sometimes you have to write a message. 3) The buttons don’t make noises, and sometimes there no buttons (though, sometimes the buttons do make nosies).

Knowing these, we can begin just as much research.

                                                                                                   False Bear. 1999-2014. 🙁

Discussion:

Do you think bears know how to use texting?

Maybe.

But, if you had to pick?

I’d say. Probably not.

Why?

Because; they are beers.

What?

Sorry. “bears”.

Oh. Haha.

Haha.

Materials:

                        (from the old study, “Cellphones, maybe, huh, bear?”)

Methods:

1. All we had to do was find a sleeping bear, which was very easy you know haha. Don’t forget, we had Royce D. also on our research team.
2. Royce D. lives behind the woods, which, as we have supported, are known to be full of bears. Grizzle, Black, Brown, excluding Polar and Panda.
3. Upon finding the sleeping bear, we put a whole cell phone under her (the  bear’s) paw. Would this be the bear to show us it knew how to use texting? We did not know.
4. If the bear texted us, we would know for certain: Bears know to use texting.
5. If the bear did not text us, We could come back, later maybe.
6. If the bear texted us, is it a business bear? Maybe a doctor bear or a mom-lawyer bear. Very important to know which.
7. If the bear did not text us, is it a nonemployed bear?
8. Royce D. seems to agree, generally.

 

Results:

Conclusions:

Bears do know how to use texting.

 

-CL ’14