Dartmouth Family Not Pleased to Learn Their Tuition Payments Exclusively Financing FoCo Sidewalk

Losing all hope of seeing their hard-earned tuition payments go into training faculty members, reducing class sizes, or updating academic resources, the parents of Dartmouth senior Michelle Wang ’15 were disappointed to learn this week that their annual 5-figure deposits have been used exclusively to construct and re-construct the front entrance to the Class of 1953 Commons for the last four years.

“When we decided to send Michelle to Dartmouth, we were sure we’d get a great return on our investment,” said Michelle’s father, Mark Wang ’81, who wistfully watched as students walked in and out of a library whose resources he played no role in sponsoring.

Now aware that the family’s financial contributions to the college are doing little more than fueling an endless cycle of construction, Michelle’s mother chimed in, calling it “a shame to find out that the 60 grand we spend at Dartmouth each year are the exact same $60,000 they use to tear up the front of the same non-academic building again and again.”

Overhearing snippets of a meaningful conversation between a student and his philosophy professor as they walked across the green, Mr. Wang sadly acknowledged that the money he pays for his daughter to attend the college does not account for a single dollar of the staff member’s salary.  “Just think; some lucky parent is contributing to that well-educated man’s livelihood while I’m paying for people to grind up concrete slabs.”

At press time, members of the Wang family were reportedly attempting to climb the chain link fence surrounding the construction site in hopes of getting some idea of what they’re digging up in there, anyway.

-AR ’18