Jenny, I am just going to come out and say it. I love you. I really do. I can’t stop thinking about you. I don’t know what it is, but we just fit perfectly. We click. You’re like the little a to my big A in a heterozygous allele (which of course you understand because you got a 92 on the Punnet squares test).
Ever since I first laid eyes on you, I knew we were meant to be. You make me feel different. You make me feel better. I’m not glucose with you. I become one Fructose and six biphosphates—just like you said in your presentation on the Kreb’s Cycle—which did have great aesthetic qualities, but lacked some of the requirements from the rubric. That’s why you got an 83. But the point is, when I am with you, I am more than I ever imagined I could be.
Jenny, I want to share the world with you. Every atom, every molecule, every macro-molecule, every cell, every organ, every organ system every organism. Every population, every community (you always forget that one—that’s why you got an A- on the organization quiz) every ecosystem, every biome and every biosphere—I want them with you.
Do you struggle with translation of genetic sequences? Sure. You’re imperfect. But that’s fine. I love that about you. I’m not perfect either. I don’t always get the projector to work (that’s no excuse for you to text in class, by the way). We work though. We just work. I’m always early and you’re always a little late. I wear a tweed jacket with a bowtie and you wear jeggings. You like Ke$ha and I like U2. But opposites attract. You know that full well, especially after you had to retake the pop quiz on osmosis.
Jenny, you and me, we just make sense. Am I impressed with your participation this quarter? No. I was actually quite disappointed. You did not openly demonstrate how you engaged with the material. However, that’s something we can work on. Together. As a team. A team of two. Like a restriction enzyme and a plasmid working together to insert a new gene into a bacterium.
You are the nucleus of my life. You make my heart beat and my stomach flutter. It’s not just because of your facial symmetry (one of the attraction attributes you missed on the animal behavior test). It’s because of your personality too. Those jokes you make in class about how “boring” homework is really get the class going. Sure they are an unwelcome disruption to a healthy learning environment, but they’re just so “Jenny” that I can’t stay mad.
And that smile. Oh, you’re smile, when it’s not chewing on gum (the very gum I have countless times instructed you NOT to chew in class—one of the factors in your poor participation grade) it makes me melt. I come to class every day because of that smile.
We have such a nice back and forth, too. You make a joke about me that the class laughs at, and I—well I don’t tease you back because that would get me fired— but I would. We would have such a nice back and forth if it were not my professional responsibility to reprimand you.
Jenny, I feel as though you could have put more effort into this course. Like with most things (life, love, relationships) it takes time and effort. I’m sure you will improve with time. You get a B+ in Biology for the year. But you can definitely raise that to an A-. In my heart. (Not really though—your grade is a B+)
Also, I cannot recommend you for AP Biology next year.
-Mr. Sampson
-DZ ’16
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