End of Frat Ban Allows ‘18s to be Denied Alcohol in More Locations

Last Monday, the end of the fraternity ban drastically expanded the social scene for the Class of 2018 by offering freshmen the freedom to be denied alcohol in more locations than ever before.

“For the last six weeks, my floormates were the only people I could go to when I wanted to ask for a beer that I would ultimately never receive,” explained Mike Jones ’18, who now has the privilege of walking half a mile, entering several crowded fraternity basements, and pestering unfamiliar upperclassmen to get the same experience, “I’m so glad the wait is over.”

Many of Jones’ classmates agree that the freedom to enter fraternities has offered them significant flexibility in their search for locations where they can relentlessly and fruitlessly request alcoholic beverages.  “Just a week or two ago, I felt confined to the McLaughlin cluster on the many nights when I was kept sober against my will,” said Jake Richards ’18, “I was so excited on Monday when my pleas for beer were also left hanging in Alpha Chi, Phi Delt, and that one whose Greek letter looks like a pitchfork.”

When asked to comment on the 6-week fraternity ban that kept freshmen out of Greek houses from Orientation to Homecoming, President Phil Hanlon emphasized the importance of giving ‘18s some time to voice unfulfilled requests for alcohol in the safety of their own dorms. “Greek life is very prevalent at Dartmouth, and having such a wide variety of locations where they can seek, but never attain, alcohol can be overwhelming for freshmen,” the President explained.

Although it’s a big adjustment, most ‘18s feel ready to join the rest of the student body at upcoming parties where their demands for beer will never be met.  Pushing past his anxious, sober classmates so as to shorten his 3-hour wait to get on table, Richards remarked that he was having the best night of his life.

–AR ’18