‘18 Enters TDX Basement in Search of Lifelong Friendship

Sources close to Mike Peters ’18 confirmed that the freshman entered TDX last Saturday night in hopes of forming close relationships with fellow partygoers in the fraternity’s crowded basement.

“Everyone is always telling me I’ll come away from Dartmouth with friends that will last a lifetime,” Peters explained, pausing momentarily to introduce himself to a couple grinding near him, “And TDX seems like the perfect place to start. Just look how many cool and social people are in this very basement!”

As he pushed his way through the sweaty entanglement of gyrating bodies, even a failed attempt to make small talk during a stranger’s keg stand did not discourage Peters from seeking out the kind of college friends that he’d been told would one day make up his wedding party.  Intrigued by the wide range of social possibilities that the basement offered—including fighting fellow students for access to a limited beer supply and holding a girl’s hair back as she vomited in a corner—Peters continued to look for opportunities to form lasting bonds with the people around him.

“I can’t believe how many interesting Dartmouth students I’ve met in this basement,” Peters told reporters, “Just look at that guy over there in the jersey.  He told me he’s already had 17 beers tonight.  And that girl in the green shirt? She apparently likes dancing.”

Although Peters had only interacted with a small percentage of the party’s attendees by the time the basement cleared out, the night wasn’t a complete failure.  Peters returned to his room content with the knowledge that the unidentified girl with whom he had briefly made out would one day become his wife.

–AR ’18