Hey Man, What Band Is This?

“Hey man, what band is this?”

“Oh this? This is, ‘The Travelling Merchant Came Upon A House And Looked Inside But There Was No One Home So He Kept Walking And Walking And Walking Until He Got Really Tired And Had To Stop For The Night So He Set Up His Tent And Looked At The Stars And Wondered If He Would Ever Sell Any Clock Radios Now That All The Governments Had Collapsed And There Were No More Radio Stations Or Record Labels To Tell You That Your Band Name Was Too Long Because A Band Name Could Never Be Too Long Only The Music Too Short Because All That Matters Is The Music And If We Wanted To Be Like Every Other Band We Would’ve Called Ourselves Something Boring Like You Wanted But We Don’t Because Even When Civilization Has Ended And There Are No Radio Stations The Survivors Will Still Get Together And Perform Their Own Music Using Whatever Scraps They Can Find And It Would Still Sound Better Than Anything Any Record Label Has Ever Made Because It’s Real Music Not Fake Pop Made By A Bunch Of Suits Who Want To Make Radio Hits So They Can Sell Clock Radios So They Can Buy A Big House Which They Will Have To Abandon When Civilization Collapses Only To Return Years Later As A Travelling Merchant Who In A True Twist Of Irony Has Forgotten That It Was The Very House He Bought But Now He Can’t Even Sell One Clock Radio Because Everyone Realized They Don’t Need Radio Stations Or Record Labels And The Only Thing That’s Important Is The Music.’ ”

“Never heard of them.”

–BP ’16