Knock Knock Joke 2

*Knock knock*

Who’s there?

Who do you think it is? Open up!

Do you have a warrant?

 

Like I need a warrant. Do you know how many calls we have been getting?

 

You so much as open a window, and I’ll blast you’re brains out.

So much as threatening a cop could put you behind bars.

 

Some cop you are.

What’s that supposed to mean?

You think I was born yesterday? What kind of cop drives a Lexus? A dirty cop.

That don’t mean shit.

I’m no chump.

 

Well, regardless of what you think you know, I got the right to blast your fucking door down.

Go ahead. Make my day.

I’ve been dreaming about bashing your face in for a while now.

I’m sure that’s what you’ll be dreaming about right after I knock you out.

 

*Knock knock*

Who is it? Another fucking cop?

Who are you talking to?

 

Someone is knocking on my side door.

No, it’s me.

Trish?

Patricia?

Hey! You don’t talk to her!

 

You don’t tell me not to talk to my girlfriend.

Your what?

Yeah, that’s right. She started dating me after she dumped your sorry ass.

 

Trish? Is this for real?

Connor…

Trish, you can’t be serious. This is how you tell me?

 

That’s not important. I came here to help you.

Some help this is. Telling me you started going out with a dipshit beat cop.

You shut up Connor.

 

Connor, just let me in. Let me talk to you.

Don’t go in there, Patricia, it’s not safe.

 

I’m sure it’s much safer out there.

Connor, I’m trying to help you. You don’t have to do this.

What do you care?

I care about you. *Opens door and walks in*

Bull shit.

I do.

Save it for someone who still gives a shit.

 

Hey! You don’t talk to her like that.

 

Who the hell do you think you are?

You so much as lay a finger on her–

 

Oh, real scary, Columbo.

Connor. Listen to me. Just back down.

Did he put you up to this?

…

Did he?

That’s not important.

What do you mean, it’s not important? Of course it’s important.

Connor…

You say you care about me, but you only show up here to help out your new cop boyfriend.

 

Connor, if you don’t stop all of this, he and his team are going to come in here and light you and this place up. So who cares who asked me to do what? The fact of the matter is, I’m trying to save your sorry ass.

Who says I wanted any saving?

You know what? Do whatever you want. If you want to get yourself into this mess, then you can try to dig your way out. Let this be my last goodbye.

Just get out of here, Trish.

Bye, Connor. *Leaves*

I’m giving you to the count of ten to come outside with your hands up before me and the rest of my team turn this place orange.

 

Orange?

Yeah. Orange.

What kind of expression is that?

We’re gonna light it up. Turn it orange.

 

I’ve just never heard that before. Turn it orange. Who would have thought?

Ten. Nine. Eight. Seven. Six. Five. Four. Three. Two. One.

 

Orange…Who—

*Starts shooting* Orange you glad I didn’t say banana!

 

-DZ ’16