TRUE PATRIOTISM! THIS FRESHMAN ATE AT FOCO EVERY DAY THIS WEEK BUT NEVER TOOK ANYTHING FROM THE INTERNATIONAL STATION!

IT’S A GREAT DAY FOR FREEDOM, MY FELLOW PATRIOTS. BILLY HART (’21) WENT TO FOCO EVERY DAY THIS WEEK, BUT NEVER EVEN TOUCHED THE INTERNATIONAL SECTION! FINALLY, SOMEONE FIGHTS BACK AGAINST THE LIBERAL COMMIE AGENDA THAT WANTS OUR KIDS TO EAT DISGUSTING, UNAMERICAN DISHES LIKE “TOFU” (WHATEVER THAT IS) AND PASTAS THAT DON’T HAVE ITALIAN-SOUNDING NAMES. BILLY WAS HAPPY TO SHARE HIS MERCILESS REJECTION OF SUCH DESPICABLE LIBERAL PROPAGANDA.

“I mean, yeah, I guess I didn’t eat from the international section this week,” BILLY PROUDLY PROCLAIMED, “I don’t really like fried rice all that much, and I usually have very little room on my tray after I grab my pizza. I was thinking of maybe getting some sushi from that station on Friday, but I wasn’t really in the mood so I decided to just go for some pizza instead.”

HEAR THAT, CHINA? BILLY DOESN’T WANT ANY OF YOUR “PORK-FRIED RICE” WITH ITS COMMUNIST MEAT AND ITS SOCIALIST VEGETABLES. HE EATS HIS RICE LIKE A TRUE CAPITALIST, WITH SALT AND WAY TOO MUCH BUTTER! WE NEED MORE KIDS LIKE BILLY IN THIS WORLD WHO WON’T GIVE IN TO INTERNATIONAL ZIONIST FOOD CONSPIRACIES JUST BECAUSE “tandoori chicken tastes good” OR “I can’t just eat pulled pork and beans every day, dad.” THAT’S BULLSHIT SARAH, AND YOU KNOW IT. MAYBE YOU JUST NEED ANOTHER LESSON FROM A TRUE NATIONALIST.

“I suppose I don’t usually get food from the international section,” DECLARED BILLY, PATRIOTISM NEARLY OOZING FROM HIS FLESH, “but that’s mostly because I usually just eat pizza for dinner. I really like pizza and most of my meals are just five or six slices of pizza and maybe some pepperoni pizza for desert.”

I’M GONNA LEVEL WITH YOU BILLY, THAT’S KINDA FUCKIN’ WEIRD. BUT AT LEAST YOU’RE NOT A COMMIE PIG WHO EATS CRAP LIKE “TUK-TUK” OR “CHIPOTLE.” THOUGH FROM ONE PATRIOT TO ANOTHER, I BELIEVE THE CORRECT TERM IS “FREEDOM FRIES,” BECAUSE I AM ENTIRELY WILLING TO PETTILY DENY THE FRENCH ANY CULINARY REPRESENTATION DESPITE CENTURIES OF PRODUCTIVE AND AMICABLE RELATIONS BETWEEN OUR TWO COUNTRIES. HOO RAH! FINALLY, BILLY HAD ONE LAST PIECE OF RAW, AMERICAN KNOWLEDGE TO SHARE WITH US.

“Mm… yeah that’s good,” BILLY MOANED PATRIOTICALLY AS HE SHOVED THREE SLICES OF PIZZA INTO HIS MOUTH. “Who needs other foods when you’ve got pizza?” HE ASKED WHILE STUFFING MULTIPLE ROLLED-UP PIZZA SLICES DOWN HIS PANTS, PRESUMABLY KEEPING THEM WARM FOR LATER.

DAMN RIGHT BILLY! SEE THAT, REST OF THE WORLD? YOU TERRORIST, ATHEIST, COMMIES CAN ALL SUCK MY BALLS ‘CAUSE BILLY DON’T NEED TO PARTAKE IN NONE OF YOUR STINKIN’ CULINARY TRADITIONS! THAT BEING SAID, YOU CAN DIAL IT BACK A BIT ON THE PIZZA, BILLY, BUT YOU SHOULD NEVER DIAL IT BACK ON YOUR PATRIOTISM! GODSPEED, YOUNG MAN, GODSPEED.

– CH ’21