Powerful Man Did Bad Thing This Week

Another powerful man was caught [insert Bad Thing here] this week, and he is nothing short of flabbergasted that he has to face the consequences of his actions.

This man is [white, probably] and [in our government/making all of our entertainment] and makes [a truckload of] money each year, yet authorities are downright stumped as to how he got away with [Bad Thing] for so long.

“I’m scared,” said Tina Matthews, a woman we interviewed on the street. “But I’m glad [Man] is caught, and I’m hopeful this will lead us to some productive dialogue that will really make a difference in the future.” [It won’t.]

College student Jett Washington said, “It’s crazy. Really makes you think—what is it about our society that allows people like [Man] to get away with stuff like [sexual assault, that’s what it was, right?] for so long?” Jett crossed the street back into his fraternity house full of brothers hoping to make it in the [government/entertainment industry, same as before] after graduation.

At press time, a spokesperson for [Man] was unavailable for further comment, but assured staff that a heartfelt and sincere apology was on its way, and surely that would fix everything.

– CC ’21