Dartmouth Democrats to Stop Encouraging Men to Vote

In the wake of this past November’s midterm elections, which saw mixed results for both parties, the Dartmouth Democrats have announced several strategic changes for upcoming election years. In particular, the club will no longer encourage men to vote in future elections. This marks a dramatic shift in policy for the Dartmouth Democrats, which spent most of last fall enthusiastically calling for all Dartmouth students to head to the polls, regardless of background, party affiliation, or gender.

Sebastian Yu ‘20, a Government major and long-time active member of the Dartmouth Democrats, noted that the decision had a sound statistical basis. “While we believe that it’s every American’s civic duty to vote, including in midterm elections, we also believe that it’s every American’s civic duty not to elect members of the morally rotten and utterly reprehensible Republican Party. Sadly, American men are having real trouble with that last part. For example, the popular website 538 shows that male voters overall favor Republicans by 11 percentage points compared to the national average. In light of that, it’s frankly unconscionable for us to tell these morons to go out and vote.”

According to Amanda Shaw ‘21, another active member of the Dartmouth Democrats, the decision represents a broader strategic adjustment. “Traditionally, we haven’t been so concerned about male Dartmouth students voting, because young voters overall tend to be fairly liberal. But there’s growing concern that men who start out voting Democratic will become more conservative over time, as they enter the workforce and start paying taxes. This is particularly true of Dartmouth men, many of whom will become greedy, cash-obsessed corporate thugs, mostly after but occasionally before graduation. If they get in the habit of voting now, that could prove disastrous for the nation over the long haul.”

Ava Reilly ‘22 offered a different perspective: “For decades of this country’s history, women were not only discouraged but legally blocked from casting ballots. There will never be a way to correct that abominable injustice, but trying to avoid increasing male voter turnout is certainly a step in the right direction.”

The reactions to the Dartmouth Democrat’s shift in strategy have been met with mixed reactions from men around campus. Arthur Beauregard ‘20, a registered Republican, expressed disappointment: “This is just another expression of the bitter partisanship of the Far Left. Voting is a sacred right and an important duty for all Americans. Everyone should be encouraged to vote equally, as long as they meet their state’s voter ID requirements.”

By contrast, other male students welcome the change. “I’ve always voted mostly Democratic,” noted Donte Everett ‘20. “But to be honest, after having the Dems riding my ass about voting for literally all of last term, I was getting ready to vote Trump-Pence in 2020 just to spite those whiny jerks.”

In related news, the Dartmouth Democrats have started drafting political slogans for the 2020 election. Proposed catchphrases have included “Real Men Stay Home on Election Day” and “Ballots are for Girls.”

– BvH ’19