A Proclamation from Beep-Borp: The Jolly and Malevolent Elf-Man Who Put Those Stickers of Charger Outlets Everywhere

Good e’en Dartmoth Colleges. Mayhaps ‘ere this day, you have wonder who culpable for the stickers of wall-outlets in One-Floor Baker-Berry, Nelsy Rocky Centy, and much other building beside. Look farther none. It me, Beep-Borp Elfman. Tho’ I learnet English in four-hundred years past from illiterate Monk, Beep-Borp speaks now to ye, Dartmoth Colleges. Yee, Me that Beep-Borp who makes a fool out of your sorry, foolish Asse when ye stoopeth low to plug your magic contraptions into wall only to find me, Beep-Borp, has already been, seen, conquered wall. Verily do Beep-Borp sees ye ranting to your friends: “Which piece of shit would do this? Like, why? Who gains? Jesus, fuck this school.” Beep-Borp do this to teach humility to ye rich, ye brilliante, ye humans of height three times Beep-Borp’s own. Beep-Borp too puts that stench in yer boots, the gravel in yer shoe-crack. But, tho’ Beep-Borp giveth gravel and hidden herpes, Beep-Borp also taketh aways. It me who majyks yer Case-O’-Dilla and drains the Barb O’ Queue sauce out o’ it. It me who take yer jackqet from the AcksA fraternity and bury it ‘neath Sarner all while summoning SnS on degenerates urinating on Fill HanLawnLawn. It me who put fear O’ God in Pedestrian Dartmoths by majyking Domino’s man to hit them. But Beep-Borp’s Greate Happyness still be watching dumb athlete crawl all-fours under Librarie desk and then yelling ‘FECK’ when realize no outlet, only sad. Mayhaps ye have learnet yer lesson, but methinks much more needed. Ye wuld do well to remember Beep-Borp o’ the morrow, when, verily, ye will jump like stupide rabbit when Beep-Borp knocks ice chunk off of Mid Mass roof. God-Bye, Fool.

It me,

-Beep-borp

– OK ’21