Hood Museum Reveals New Event Series: Art After Getting Sloshed on a Monday

Last Saturday, the newly renovated Hood Museum announced its new event series for the spring: Art After Getting Sloshed on a Monday. Doors will be open between the hours of 11PM and 1AM to welcome students from all around campus as they stumble over from Webster Avenue after getting completely slammed on a borderline on-night.

At the event, students will be able to view rare ninth-century Assyrian tablets to take their minds off the nagging guilt associated with drinking twelve Keystones. The museum’s spacious new layout moves artistic onlookers from Africa to the Americas and will give attendees plenty of space to contemplate the number of tequila shots they downed just before their night spiraled out of control.

“We want this to be like late night, but for art,” said event organizer Kevin Orchard. “Hopefully, students will enjoy all the museum has to offer after they realize that their hookup won’t text them back and there’s absolutely no basement scene at Beta.”

Drunk SWUGs who miss the glory days of Masters 17X may enjoy etchings from the master of light and shadow himself in Rembrandt’s etching of his mother. And if the spins get too overwhelming, Yayoi Kusama’s phallic couch will provide the perfect resting spot for anybody questioning their decision to delete themselves on what’s commonly regarded as the worst day of the week.

Hood Director John Stomberg was enthusiastic about the event. “Art is for everyone,” he commented. “I think this will be a really great way for students from different backgrounds to come together and engage in meaningful discussion. And who doesn’t love free mozzarella sticks?”

Orchard stressed that this event does not condone drinking in any way, but it is a requirement to be at least six drinks in at the time of arrival. When reached for further comment, he shrugged and said, “It’s not alcoholism if you’re still in college.” Rest assured that staff will be on hand to pry the ceremonial bow and arrow out of that one TDX bro’s hands before he shoots anybody.

The Hood Museum is not responsible for stolen frackets. Those who attempt to steal artwork, however, will be prosecuted.

-AD ’20