Responsible Friend Enjoying Trip To Frat

Audrey Rogers, ‘22, reported that they were enjoying themself on a sober trip with their friends through various Dartmouth fraternities.

“Yeah, I’m so glad I’m obligated to take care of everyone tonight as we go to different frats again,” they said before leading their friends to the lobby of Chi Gam and pulling a collection of jackets with the sleeves tied together from behind the pillows of a couch.

Mira Smith, a ‘22 with Rogers, declared, “Oh my God! We’re all having so much fun! Wait, Audrey come with me!”, before clutching her stomach, grabbing Rogers’ arm and running into a bathroom.

Rogers returned, their shoes soaked and rubbing paper towels along the bottom cuff of their pants. “No, I don’t mind being responsible. This is so much fun,” said Rogers, before asking, “Where’s Kelsey?”

“She went outside to the car. We love you so, so, so much, Audrey” declared Annabelle Summers ‘22.

“We don’t have a car,” said Rogers, frantic. Our reporter followed Rogers outside where campus Safety and Security officers were persuading Kelsey Galvenez ‘22 to climb down from the roof of an official vehicle.

“Audrey! Audrey Rogers! That’s my best friend! Best friend!” yelled Galvanez from the top of the car to a crowd of officers. “Please get down from there,” called Rogers before turning back to explain, “Kelsey does this sort of thing a lot. It’s so much fun to find out what she’s been up to, and then handle the situation while making sure she doesn’t get into any more trouble.” Rogers proceeded to reason with Galvanez and Dartmouth Safety and Security, helping her down from the roof of the car.

Rogers put their hands on their hips and returned to the lobby of Chi Gam to find Summers and Smith. “Wait, hey now, put this away,” Rogers said, yanking an open bottle of kerosene away from Summers.

“Nooooooo,” Summers whined. Rogers shook their head and smiled, before turning to Smith.

“Where did you get this?” Rogers asked, incredulous, as they pulled a box of matches away from Smith. “I don’t know,” said Smith, flinging her arms around Summers. “I’m having so much fun!”

At press time, Rogers walked Smith and Summers home, one draped on each shoulder. “I’m just glad I got to go out and have another fun night,” they said.

-SL ’22