MEN: Tall Women are Having Meetings to Laugh at How Short You Are, Here are the Minutes from Our Meeting

Meeting was called to order at 7:03 pm, since Cristina was late again but she brought homemade granola for the group.

7:05 Wendy led the group in an icebreaker, lining up against the wall in order of the greatest height difference between the girls and the shortest men in their life. Jen won, a whopping seven inches taller than her ‘best guy friend’ Matt, who she has had a huge crush on for three years but won’t take a hint because he refuses to date women taller than him.

7:10 Lucy challenged the outcome of the icebreaker, claiming to be four and a half feet taller than her nephew, who is two years old. It was decided that Lucy’s nephew did not count—Wendy called him a “manlet”—however everyone had a good laugh at how short he is now, how short he will be in the future, forever.

7:12 Discussion of appropriate heel height for a tall woman to wear to a job interview. Jen has an interview this week (yay Jen!) and her roommate Jade—who’s 5’2” and has also never supported Jen’s dream of being a bank teller—Jade told her she shouldn’t wear heels because she might tower over her short male interviewer. He will then feel uncomfortable and he will not offer her the job, Jade said. Jade is stupid. Lucy offered wedges, Wendy suggested stilettos and Jen decided to wear the heels, the strappy ones that she broke her ankle in last summer.

7:20 Snack break, thanks to Cristina’s granola.

7:25 Discussion of movies filmed at specific angles to make men seem taller than their female love interests. Cristina and Wendy find height inserts for men’s shoes on Amazon and threaten to buy them. It is revealed that Zac Efron is only 5’8.” That is funny.

7:30 The girls pulled up a picture of you and laughed at you. I mean, look at you. Show and tell of favorite tall women. Then back to you. Look at you.

7:47 Jessica had an allergic reaction to Cristina’s granola, which had almonds in it and she forgot to mention it. While an ambulance is called, since Jessica never goes anywhere with her EpiPen and that’s not Cristina’s fault but she should’ve known that, the group splinters into factions to debate whether or not Cristina attended the meeting with the intent to kill Jessica.

7:55 An ambulance arrived. The EMTs were all very short men. Even Jessica laughed, despite not being able to breathe. I mean, they looked even shorter in those scrubs. Ha.

Meeting adjourned at 8:00 pm, right on time.

-CC ’21