Your Friends Aren’t Upper Middle Class, Just Rich

Extensive investigation has confirmed that most of your friends who have been self identifying as “upper middle class, I guess,” are in fact exceptionally affluent.

“I mean, my family is comfortable?” said your friend Lilian Ross ‘20 of Connecticut before adding, “we never talk about money.” Ross, the daughter of the Head of Cardiology at Greenwich Hospital, grew up in a $6.3 million home, attended a prestigious academy for $40,000 a year since preschool, and is a nationally recognized equestrian. “I’m not like rich rich, though, you know?” Ross continued after a brief digression about much she loved growing up on a farm, “my trust fund only covers me through grad school.”

Your freshman roommate ‘21 Jordan Kennedy from “south of Harlem” described his financial situation as “chill” to reporters in front of his Che Guevara poster. The son of Winston Liam Kennedy II, the CEO of a $10 billion private equity firm, Kennedy dismissed questions from reporters about his financial status, “That’s my dad’s (and grandpa’s and great-grandpa’s) money, not mine. I work; I’m a tour guide.” As the interview ended, Kennedy discussed the pros and cons of canvassing for Warren vs. Sanders this weekend. 

“Honestly, sure,” sighed your trippee Martha Worthington ‘22 in an oversized denim jacket she got from the Lebanon Goodwill, “I don’t see why that distinction matters, like, we are all here together, aren’t we?” When asked about Instagram posts of her debutante ball, her house in St. Barts, and her family private jet parked at the West Leb Airport, Worthington shrugged, “what am I supposed to call myself, lower upper class?”

-IC’22