Reports from the scene have long confirmed that in late March of your senior year in high school, you were ecstatic, for you had gained admission into New Hampshire’s prestigious Dartmouth College — meanwhile, James Wu, located seven hundred and sixty-two miles to your west in Gary, Indiana, was crushed, for he had been denied from all of his top schools and presumably been cut off from the life of success and luxury that he once envisioned.
“You shrieked and texted all of your friends and relatives,” your sister reminded you later. “By 7:15 PM, there was a picture of Baker Tower on your Instagram story.”
Nevertheless, a source from the Indianapolis Star has confirmed that in late February of this year, the very same James Wu of Gary, Indiana, had graduated a year and a half early from Indiana University-Bloomington and had just gotten a raise at his dream job. On the other hand, you, currently residing in Hanover, New Hampshire, were crushed, for all your assignments were piling up all at once and you didn’t know what or how or when all your work was going to get done.
“Yeah, I was pretty disappointed not to get into Dartmouth,” said Mr. Wu in an interview. “But you just gotta play the hand you’re dealt, ya know? It all worked out in the end.”
“I have three exams and two essays this week,” you told your friend Steven after consuming three 5-Hour Energy shots in rapid succession. “I don’t remember the last time I showered.”
At press time, the 21-year-old Wu had just put a down payment on a small but cozy house, while 21-year-old you stared at an unreasonably large number on D-Pay and called the bank to take out another loan.
– EL ’23
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