OP-ED: If Natural Selection Happened, Why Isn’t Everyone Hot?

I am a rational person. The earth is round, vaccines are good, the moon landing was real. I am with the times. But still, I stand in the minority on one specific issue: Darwin’s theory of evolution. More specifically, I have a question: if natural selection happened the way we were led to believe, then why isn’t everyone hot?

Frankly, I am shocked that Darwin overlooked this obvious discrepancy. My logic is as follows: if genetically hot people are more likely to mate and reproduce, then why is it that after thousands of years of deliberate sexual choice, there are still ugly people? Why are they still a thing?

Figure 1: Average Hotness Increases over Time (dHotness/dt > 0)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Given this irrefutable assertion, a second, far more pressing flaw arises: why am I, the author, not hot? I should be; however, all existing evidence points to the contrary.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Figure 2: Proof by Contradiction:
p = Natural Selection Happening, q = Me Being Hot
Given: p, ¬q (Natural Selection DID happen, and I am NOT hot)
1.) Assume p to be true (Natural Selection did happen)
2.) By the above argument, p implies q, so q must also be true (I should be hot)
3.) Yet, it is given that q is false (I am clearly not hot)
4.) Thus, we have found a contradiction, so our original assumption p must be false. (i.e., natural selection did not happen the way we believe it did.)

I implore you, members of the scientific community, to get to the bottom of this. Tell me I’m wrong. Tell me I’m hot.

– OG ’22, BD ’22