Jacko Guide to Social Media in a Time of Social Distancing:

There’s no denying that COVID-19 has made social media a particularly scary and saddening place. That’s why many wellness experts suggest distancing yourself from platforms such as Facebook and Instagram, and using this trying time as a chance for reflection and self-improvement, to focus on your health and on the friends and family that matter most. This term may be the perfect opportunity to achieve the nirvana that comes from self-efficacy and finding fulfillment independently of superficial, external validation from Instagram likes.

No?

Okay, fine.

In that case, here’s a guide to maximizing your social capital on Instagram while you’re stuck in your childhood bedroom. It was compiled from extensive, expert research [lying in bed scrolling through our feed.] We can’t guarantee that these items will actually make you feel better, but they should help you prove to your followers that you can be cool, quirky and productive during a pandemic.

1. Convince your followers that you are definitely not going stir-crazy by flaunting your family game nights, group video chats, or general self-improvement initiatives. Bonus points if you’ve got recurring appearances from cool/quirky parents, a fun name for your sourdough starter, and if all your buddies post the same screenshot of your Zoom call featuring alcohol and odd backgrounds. The more inside jokes that your followers don’t understand, the better time you must be having.
2. Take on a ‘challenge’ which showcases your impressive pushup technique, niche talents and interests, or cute pet. Someone tagged you, so it’s not like you had a choice!
3. Instagram stories have been neglected as a legitimate medium for artistic expression for far too long, and the world needs more mediocre renditions of animals and produce. Your followers may not be able to tell if your pale oval is an egg or a potato, but they will see a trail of drawings and instagram handles that attempted the task before you – which in this day and age translates to “I have friends!”
4. If you’re struggling to generate exciting new content, post an embarrassing (but not really) throwback photo or video to show that you’re an interesting human with a good sense of humor even though you haven’t changed out of sweatpants in four days. Isn’t it funny how you messed up at your sport that one time? How you got sooo trashed during homecoming  and took dorky mirror selfies at TDX?
5. If you are blessed with close proximity to nature and are not legally required to stay inside, flaunt your freedom by posting pictures of a hike, ski sesh, or trip to the beach. Make sure to reference social distancing in the caption so that everyone knows you’re adventuring responsibly.
6. Show that you take COVID-19 seriously by sharing studies and news, commending healthcare workers and local businesses, and reminding your friends to stay home and stay safe. Be prepared for mixed results from this one, because some people probably won’t listen to you.

 

-SA ’20